Yes, No, I Don't Know. Can You Repeat the Question?

Amanda Roberts, Kelsey Gallagher, Destiny Joy Kreider, A.j. Smith and Edward Abrams

I guess failure is an option.  I was trained growing up to be a pessimist, although I don't believe it was intentional.  As I grow older I am still a pessimist, but I have a enthusiastic hope that everything will work out for the best.
My Christian beliefs tell me that I should count everything good and trust God has it all under control.  But my brain keeps looking at things from the less attractive side that tells me I have wasted my life. Wiping babies bottoms and taking pride in my home and children and being the wife of a man I love instead of pursuing a career.  Right now I feel like a major failure.  I have pretty much quit everything I have tried.  High school was horrible so I quit, phlebotomy turned out to be a health hazard so I quit, Customer service was too stressful so I quit. My weekend job was to hard on my husband and older sons, so again I quit. I have little higher education and even though most places would pay me more than minimum wage, I cannot leave my youngest child to go to work.  Doug working a 60 hour week prevents an evening or a morning job without paying childcare.  I am 45 years old, even if I manage to take some online classes I will not be starting a career until I am close to fifty.  AJ has not found a job and Doug and I don't have two nickels to rub together.  I have no idea how he is going to go back to college second semester.  It breaks my heart to have to tell him I cannot help and he may have to give up this pursuit. If I just would have had more gumption in my life I might would have a successful career now, helping my kids and not watching my husband go daily to a job her really doesn't like. I guess one solution would be is to look into some loans.  Elim not being accredited I don't know if he will be eligible for a traditional loan. I love being a housewife and mother, but I don't love watching my husband spend every penny he makes to support us and not have a penny to bring to the table.