Surrendering in the Spirit is not giving up. It is realizing that I am not God, I am not the creator, I am the creature. I am a creature living is a chaotic world trying my best to hang on. With all of my might fighting against circumstances that I have no control over. I guess it is human nature to strive to survive in the spirit as much as the physical. I know that it is me that is causing my suffering. If I could just let go and put my trust in God I know things will turn out for the best or at least what is best for me even if I don't agree with the outcome.
I am reading a book called Spiritual Surrender. Thanks to the beautiful ladies at Resurrection Life Fellowship who has used their talents to organize a church library. It has me thinking about my current circumstances and how much I really don't trust or rely on God. I know I am writing some serious things, but God knows my thoughts, it doesn't matter whether I admit my doubts or continue to deny them. Surrendering myself to a loving God takes trust. Takes free falling into His arms knowing that He will not let me fall. After reading a chapter and reflecting on my life and my personal walk I realized, my circumstances are equivalent to a bull ride. I can hang on with all my might, through the turmoil, pain and even risk injury to myself and people around me or I can let go. Choose to watch the show from the sidelines. Sit in Pa Pa's lap knowing he has my best interest in mind. Letting go is one of the hardest things for me to do. As I watch these circumstances that I have absolutely no say in unfolds, surrendering to and trusting God is the answer to my survival. The raging bull in my situation may be untameable by me, it may be scary to watch play out, but I MUST find a way to trust in my Father and not continue to jump into the arena and try to fix it myself. I know the answer seems simple. Trusting God equals peace. Why is it so hard for me to put into practice.
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