Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Boy Wonder




Today marks the 23rd birthday of our friend David Camp.  We lost him almost two years ago in a tragic car accident. Being our Pastor's youngest son, I see a lot of the families celebration mingled with grief play out  on facebook.
He was a funny young man, who met no strangers and was never judged anyone by class. He made a huge impact on everyone in his life and we still see examples of  his legacy through the lived he touched. Like too many things in this life, we'll never understand, in our human minds or hearts, why his life was cut so short. I  have the comfort in knowing my dear friend is in non stop celebration in the presence of our Lord!

Happy Birthday Dave!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Eggspert?




Hardly.  I am definitely flying by the seat of my pants on this one.  I read about and constructed a homemade incubator, gathered fertile eggs from my friend, Irene's, barn.  I have lovingly cared for the eggs hoping  all will make it, but I will be satisfied to get at least one chick for Jesse.  I have learned a lot and if these don't hatch I will see about getting another clutch and try again.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Rebel

Never in a million years would I have believed I could like Rap.  This is one of Wyatt's favorites and unbelievably I like it too....
 
Rebel 
Lecrae


Yeah. Just wanna die with a beat.  
Swim around in it. 
Let's rebel  
I'm in Rebellion (To all my rebels out there.) I'm in Rebellion (Rebelling against the culture. Being transformed.) I'm in Rebellion (Ya'll conformed to the ways of the world. Or this age.)  
I'm in Rebellion  
(Welcome to the revolution.)
Jesus was a rebel, a renegade, outlaw A sanctified troublemaker, but He never sinned, naw  
And He lived His life by a different set of Rules 
The culture ain't approve So you know they had to bruise 'em  
That's the way they do Man, they swear they so gangsta but everyone's the same  
Everybody do the same stuff Tattoos, piercing Smokin' up and drinking  
Money and sex plus them extravagant weekends  
Man if that's the high life I'll puff past that  
You live evaporated like your missing a gas cap I guess I'm passed that I am in rebellion I'd rather have a dollar in my pocket than a mill-ion 
I'm scared to worship money, and my wants over Elyon I'll remain a rebel while the rest of them just carry on This is what I live fo This is the hill I'm buried on  
If Jesus is the Truth That means one of us is VERY wrong Think about it.
I'm in Rebellion  
(I know in our day rebel means sinner.) 
I'm in Rebellion  
(But everyone is sinning, so it is no longer rebellious to sin.) 
I'm in Rebellion (Jesus was a rebel that was a counter culture.) 
I'm in Rebellion
No glory in me Glory to the King on the throne (Jesus)  
You either love Him or leave Him alone but you can't do both  
Yeah, I know you heard that once in a song I pray you hear 10 mo fo ya gone  
Hey listen up, holmes Stage is the corner Crowd is the streets  
And I rap the bread of life cause they dyin' to eat  
I'm a rebel you know the kind that die in the street Cause you refuse to conform, won't eat the kings meat yeah Christ rebelled by shunning the cultured  
He eat with sinners Givin' Pharasies ulcers He never got married, He was broke plus homeless Yeah that's the God I role wit ya boy gotta wife and no I neva cheated I'm prayin' for humility whenever I get heated Forget about the drugs Rebel against pornography This ain't how it oughta be, homie This is how it's gotta be A Rebel
I'm in Rebellion  
(You're just a conformist Drunken, Naked, Driving around a loud motorcycle, Smoking cigarettes, Breaking commandments, Getting pregnant outa wedlock, Everyone's done that, It's so tiring, If you really wanna be a rebel, Read your bible, Because no on'es doing that, That's rebellion. That's the only rebellion left.)


Copied from MetroLyrics.com

Monday, March 26, 2012

Staying Together




A very close friend has filed for divorce. Like me, she married young.  I have been pondering if that is a common reason for a failed marriage?  Researches are saying that the human brain is not fully matured until the mid twenties...according to this, Doug and I were married before our brains had reached full maturity (explains a lot).  I know when someone is so young there are major personal changes that will occur in the first decade of marriage.  Of course everyone, no matter the age, changes throughout life, but I believe it is not as much as a drastic change as in the early years of adulthood.  I also believe that being wed to someone significantly older adds to the challenge .  When one person is fully mature and the other is not, well it seems that they would naturally take "command of the ship." Maybe even in a sense a nurturer to the younger partner.
Reading these statistics makes me realize that Doug and I are one of the exceptions to the rules.  One of the reasons may be that Doug was only 21 on our wedding day.  We pretty much grew up together.  It also helps that he is such and easy going person, even though there are times he has had the final say in certain decisions he has never tried to "own" me or dictate our life.  We have had our rough patches and there was a time, before AJ, that it seemed we would not make it. Thankfully we did. I contribute most of the success to him. He never gave up on me even when I gave him every reason to.  He is a great example of unconditional love.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Winter's End


“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis

I am very open when it comes to my life and struggles.  In my willingness to share, I have found many women who has either gone through a portion of my experience or they are going through a time very similar. Like me,  they find comfort in knowing that depression, anxiety and the God forsaken hormones are pretty common among women in or near perimenopause and the younger ones suffering from postpartum depression.  Here in the Northern states PPD seems to be common among the women giving birth in the winter months.  The cold, darkness and being, for the most part housebound adds stress and loneliness.  At a time in our lives that should be blessed and cherished, struggling with depression adds guilt into the ratio.
For me, unfortunately, I can relate to both.  I didn't have symptoms of PPD with my older children, but with Jesse it was overwhelming.  And lucky me, I had a baby as I entered perimenopause years..
I thought I had gone mad.  I was out of control of my emotions, joy was nonexistent and I was only in survival mode. Constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with me and searching for anything to relieve the pain I was in even if it was for only a little while.Unlike physical pain it can be hard to assess and help given.  Like physical pain, after a given amount of time someone will go to extremes to get relief.  I believe the hardest part is that no one can really understand unless they walk through it themselves. The point of this post is that there is always hope. Be patient, take care of yourself, seek medical help and/ or counseling.  Even if your faith feels nonexistent, don't give up...God has not given up on you. If you have someone in your life with any form of depression, be supportive.  They are not trying to be selfish or a pain in your ass.  Even if it seems that way, remember they are trying to gain control on a slippery slope.  

After a three year winter, it feels like spring has finally arrived. My days feel brighter, warmer and new signs of life are budding.  I am extremely grateful for my God for keeping his promises even when I didn't and for a support system that did their best to love me unconditionally.  I have not arrived, but I am on the way.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Life Lesson: Thongs



Thongs have one thing in common with contact lenses. In the first week time worn should be limited to 2 hours and build from there...never, never try to accomplish an 8 hour day in the breaking in period....

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Rise

Fawks the Phoenix on "burning day" reborn from the ashes

"Rise"
Shawn McDonald

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Sleep



As an adult I have grown to appreciate the value of  sleep.  Whether it is long nights or short naps there is nothing I love more than to sleep with my spouse.  For the past 12 long years he has worked over nights so that limits my slumber with him to naps and weekends.  For the last 3 years we have had a couple of additional separators, Jesse and Scarlet, both three and both overly attached to me.
My boys always slept with me when they were little.  The drill was I would snuggle and go to sleep with one or more kids and when Doug came to bed he would move them to their rooms. For some reason, I don't know if it is Doug's age or whether he doesn't care, but Jesse has slept more nights in my room than his own.  The bed gets rather crowded with 2 adults, a young child and a dog. A few weeks ago I have had enough.  Scarlet has been evicted and now sleeps in our recliner or the foot of Jesse's bed and I am happy to say I have successfully put Jesse to sleeping in his own bed for the past three nights.  I cannot wait till the weekend where I can sleep with my husband in a space wider than 2 ft.  Barring his earth shattering snoring, Saturday should be a nice night.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Jesse....



In 2008 I received a very unexpected surprise, pregnant at 42.  My feelings about this midlife child would go from elation to distress.  I had (what felt like) a long pregnancy followed by a difficult delivery.  His entrance was not easy on him either.  He was born purple and non responsive.  The nurses work on him for several minutes and he perked up.  Midnight on January 1st 2009 he had his first doctors appointment.  Dr. Meyers, his pediatrician was called in to check him out.  He had a bum arm do to shoulder dysplasia, fortunately, that healed on it's on given time.



It has been a little over 3 years since we welcomed Jesse to our family.  I found most of the first few years to be mere survival.  PPD stole a lot of the joy that I should have experienced. A gift such as this is meant to be cherished.  Though it all I did adore him. With a little help I think the days of depression are behind me.


Jesse's First Christmas


Now I am the mom of a vibrant three year old, who holds my heart in the palm of his hand.  Jesse and I do everything together...

Jesse age 2

These days I am living rather than surviving.  Rather than praying for bedtime to come, I look forward to the mornings.  I have my whole day wrapped around him.  Looking for openings for teaching, playing and lots of affection.  He, like his brothers, is a wonderful blessing in my life.

My four men...winter break 2011

Jesse with his wild hair and clutch of chicken eggs

This Charming Life
Joan Armatrading

I wanna be with you all the time
Every day
Every night
You're my deja vu
It's sounds obsessive
But I think it's fine
When you're gone all I do is to think of you

I live and love with you
This charming life
I live and love with you
This charming life


You know you came into the room alone
But when you left
Then I found that you took my heart
It sounds so corny yes I know it does
But truth is the shade that I choose to wear


I live and love with you
This charming life
I live and love with you
This charming life


Every government must pass down a law
That says the sun has to always shine
That everybody gets the chance to say


I live and love with you
This charming life
I live and love with you
This charming life


Every morning when I open my eyes
You're the first thing that I see
Lady luck she really took to me
Because
I live and love with you
This charming life
I live and love with you
This charming life

Thursday, March 15, 2012

New Look

Found the courage to start a weight loss program and bought me some highlights

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I got this Nortic Track from a person who was moving. yes, it is around 20 years old and in remarkable shape seeing how the giver actually used it for many years. He is now in his early 70's and the skier has been in his garage a few years. I was skeptical at first, but the motor in my elliptical went kaput, so I was more than willing to give it a try. It took several tries to get the hang of it. I can be rather clumsy. Now I'm riding it like a pro. Went 23 miles in about 30 min (an episode of Army Wives on Netflix). I can see the changes it is making, although I have such a long way to go. Seeing -8 lbs and fitting in my jeans is very encouraging...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Seeing Results



I have made some changes in my life.  Have finally committed to eating right and daily exercise, spending more time with my boys and doing a better job supervising Wyatt with his homework and chores.  Thinking more positively about my life and choices that I have made and striving to be a more supportive and loving person.  I have lost 8 pounds, my boys are even more loving toward me and each other (sometimes not so much each other), the house is cleaner and I am more continent and less stressed out about finances. And I am more outgoing these days.  Instead of getting him rides I have began driving Wyatt and some of his friends to youth on Sunday night.  The changes I have implemented is not always easy.  But I have found most things worth while can be challenging.  I know that I will find a balance to it all.
I am also feeling more at ease with my spiritual life.  I have never wanted to be a "Sunday Christian".  The last few years I have been just that. I feel a drawing to the Lord that is unmistakeable and I feel impressed upon to just do it...just pray and read the Bible even though most of  the time it feels strange and unnatural...in time it will feel normal, just like my exercise.  I find myself looking forward to it and I believe in time, time with God will be the same.  

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Wasted Copay???!!!


A laundry list of symptoms and nothing to treat....I actually am pretty healthy (that's cool)...just chronically tired and wanting to sleep 14 hours out of a day.  I don't want anything to be wrong, but I am a little frustrated to feel this bad and not know why.  The ear has to do with sinus and a few days of taking Sudafed regularly should dry it out...blood work tomorrow several tests, but the funny one is to rule out Mono...Don't know why I find that amusing.
Jesse threw an impressive fit in the parking lot of the grocery store.  Wyatt needed me to drive him around to look for his first job and Jesse cried and begged till I gave in and bought pizza.  The boys are having that for supper and Doug and I Haddock.  Counting down the minutes till bedtime.....

Doctors and Other Fun Things...



I have been feeling exhausted for a few days...I am usually tired, what mom isn't? But this is chronic fatigue.  Getting little done and resting, sometimes sleeping between chores.  I have ignored a week long ear ache and occasional numbness in my temple...today I have a sore throat...I have had enough...going it to see a PA since Barb is not available.   Probably nothing more than a virus at least that is what I am hoping to hear...I am ready to get back to my active lifestyle and stop feeling like I have narcolepsy.