Happy Birthday

To my love....glad we celebrate people years!

Quittin' Time

Again, I went digging through old CDs, I stubbled upon the Essentials of Mary Chapin Carpenter...I thought I would share another song... 

Video Version

Quittin' Time
Mary Chapin Carpenter

Hey baby tell me what we're gonna do
It's getting crazy and I need some help from you
We were so connected that you were a part of me
Now I feel an emptiness right to the heart of me

But you pretend and I pretend
That everything is fine
And though we should be at an end
It's so hard admittin'
When it's quittin' time

Hey baby I'm running out of things to say
Please don't hate me this feeling just won't go away
Now we're spending all our time caught in a fantasy
Just trying to keep in mind the way it used to be

But you pretend and I pretend
That everything is fine
And though we should be at an end
It's so hard admittin'
When it's quittin' time

But you pretend and I pretend
That everything is fine
And though we should be at an end
It's so hard admittin'
When it's quittin' time

Life Long Plans

Why is letting go so hard?

I think part of the reason I have been so frustrated with AJ these last few weeks was a way for me to guard my heart from feeling what I feel as I am trying to help him succeed.  It is very difficult for me to find my place in the life of my eldest son.  He is in Lima this weekend at a conference and of course enjoying his Elim friends.  Doug and I  were not going to let him go but decided that he is old enough and responsible enough to take my car and be on his own.... I was sad all day yesterday....wishing this time didn't slip away so fast.  Wyatt is a lot of help.  Only fourteen he is still young and sweet and I am cherishing the time I have him as my own.  Jesse is my biggest comfort....I look at him and I am reminded of the beautiful memories I have of AJ when he was little...not that I don't adore Jesse for who he is.

My sons.  I am their first love, I gave them their first kiss and mine was the first hand that they held.  I knew going into this motherhood, that the ultimate goal was to see them become independent men....What a blessing to see AJ become his own person. I just never knew how heart breaking it would be.

Father please show me how to be a mother to a young adult son.  Whisper to me when to let go and when it is okay to be a mom...I gave him to you when he was two and I need your help through  this transition.  Please keep your hand on him.

Woes of Country Living

Apparently I have more predators in my woods than I imagined.  I have lost Bennett and Little Red a few weeks ago.  My best friend, Irene, gave me two little black hens. I dubbed them Alice and Andi but the same night I brought them home they escaped the coupe and one was believes to have been eaten and the other I found the next morning and was gang beaten by my other five hens as soon as I put her in the pen.  She was returned to Irene's barn and I hope she is alive and well.  Yesterday Abby disappeared and this morning I found Lou Lou injured by something inside the coupe.  The attacks multiplying and now in daylight as well as inside their pen had me concerned for the well being of my tiny flock.  I cannot just wait and let them be picked off one by one.  I spent the afternoon moving and securing the chicken house (little tykes playhouse) in our back yard as far away from the house as possible and still be in the fenced area....
My hope is that whatever is enjoying my birds will be to afraid to come this close to the house.  I will close them up in their house at night.  If push come to shove I will give away Marcella, Helen, Lois and Lou Lou if she survives.
______________________________________________________________

I think Lou Lou will live...I plan to bandage her up and let her go back with the others tomorrow... Marcella is among the missing....Praying she will show up tomorrow...somehow I have my doubts.

My Newest Mission

Really bad, but funny

This weekend my husband showed classic signs of depression.  I was very worried and because of that I have decided that he needs to be a priority in my life.  He is in a job that he is less than happy in, yet he goes everyday and pushes through his occupation.  He is a dedicated person and would never let our family down by not providing for us financially.  I am doing everything in my power to make his home life pleasant.  I will do my best to be home when he gets home to spend some quality time with him as well as care for our house, kids and cooking hearty meals. I know it sounds like I am putting too much on my and I may be, but for now this man needs to know how much he is loved and for him and his Love Language (Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) are quality time and physical touch.  Having that knowledge helps me to know what makes him feel appreciated.

Interesting Redbook article : What Men Want-How to Romance a Man

Word Spirit Power

Click here to read about the book

Our church hosted a dynamic conference this weekend.  Three men of God R.T. Kendall, Charles Carrin and Jack Taylor. I was able to hear tow out of three on Friday night, but was needed in the kitchen to get their after service meal ready to serve. I enjoyed Sunday morning and Sunday evening, I felt Doug needed me at home.  Sunday morning I had nursery duty.  It was an amazing time and many people were blessed during the conference.  It is a small miracle for a country church the size of ours to be able to host such a gathering.

Rules for the John

The Power of Love

I recently heard this story from a friend from church.  I have read that it is actually fiction, but I love all the same.

Alligator Scars

 Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.

In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water,  not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His mother - in the house was looking out the window - saw the two as they got closer and closer together.  In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could.

Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely  scarred by the vicious attack of the animal and, on his arms, were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms.  I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my mom wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too.  No, not from an alligator, or anything quite so dramatic. But, the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep  regret.

But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.

In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.
The Scripture teaches that God loves you.
If you have Christ in your life, you have become a child of God.
 He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way.
But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy's waiting to attack. That's when the tug-o-war begins - and if you have the  scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful.

He did not - and will not - let you go.

Presumed Dead

Two of our hens have been missing for about 5 days.  They have not wandered to the neighboring flocks and I have not found any clues to their whereabouts.  I am very sad...one of them was a chick we hatched in a homemade incubator the other was one of my reds which was bought as a fuzzball chick only a week or so older than Bennett.
I do still have five left and they are so funny.  They respond to me much like a canine. I am suppose to go by Irene's farm and pick up two little black chicks to add back to my flock.

Supper

Spaghetti with Garlic, Olive Oil and Red Pepper Flakes

I got this recipe from Doug's Everyday Italian cookbook.  Of course I can't leave well enough alone so I had to leave in the garlic pieces and add sauteed onions, lemon Pepper and shredded chicken.  It was really delicious...if AJ had already eaten and Doug didn't need a lunch for work I would have polished it off....I guess my hips should be thankful I had to share....

Ingredients

• 1 pound dried spaghetti
• 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 garlic cloves, peeled
• 1 tablespoon red pepper flakes, plus more if desired
• 1/4 cup chopped Italian flat-leaf parsley
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil leaves
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh mint leaves

Directions

In a large pot, bring to a boil 6 quarts of salted water. Add pasta and cook until al dente, about 6 to 8 minutes. Drain pasta in a colander, reserving 2 tablespoons of the pasta water. The reserved pasta water will help create the sauce. Do not rinse pasta with water -- you want to retain the pasta's natural starches so that the sauce will stick.

In a large saute pan, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until light brown and fragrant. It's important not too burn the garlic or else it will become bitter. Remove and discard the browned garlic. Add the red pepper flakes and saute for 1 minute. Carefully add the reserved pasta water and stir to combine. Place the spaghetti into the pan and mix well for 1 minute.
Remove pan from heat and top with fresh herbs.

Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis

Overwhelmed....

Some pain no one sees....

I was at my wits end with my boys.  I have tried everything...including begging, threatening and offering rewards, yet getting them to help around the house was futile. It had gotten to the point that I was picking up after them...at 20 and 14 there is absolutely ridiculous on their part as well as mine.  I cannot be a doormat if I don't lay down. After another frustrated and hurt weekend I decided it was time for a change.  I have to stop worrying about making them unhappy and enforce some boundaries.  I understand that AJ's job is very physically demanding, so I will try keep what I ask from him to a minimum. I had another talk with them and even though, at this point I have to stay on top of them, they have been picking up behind themselves. Tonight they helped me make supper and Wyatt willingly offered to help clean up after we ate.  Encouragement and guidance, I know it is something that I have to continue.  If I quit they will quit.  But it was nice today to feel like a mother instead of a servant.

Out of frustration I wrote this on Facebook Saturday night:
Welcome to the Sher-a-don Inn...I hope your stay here is pleasant. There is free shuttle service and as well as vehicles available to borrow...My occupants receive free room and board, hot meals, maid service all performed by yours truly, the co owner, operator, cook, maid, zoo and grounds keeper. 
 I think I should check in, I could use a rest....oh but if I did who would do all the work???

Second post I wrote Sunday night after anxiety medicine kicked in and I took a long nap.  Funny how much better things look after a nap...and modern pharmaceuticals

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” ~Reba McEntire
Time for me to take this advise...although a wishbone won't help much...been trying that far too long...but I can grow a backbone and close down the Sher-a-don Inn even if it makes me less than popular and insist on help...and use the funny bone when things gets too overwhelming like yesterday and today...
Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Is everything perfect? Well no, but at least I no longer wish to run away from home... it is weird how different things look when I am seeing them through a sound mind....Do I truly desire to leave? Probably not, I can't be away from my kids a day without missing them....and what would I run to? A nowhere job and an empty apartment? Sometimes freedom looks great, but one must remember that everything comes with a cost...

Vulnerability

Over the last decade or so, I have worked on my attitude...somewhat for survival due to my move to New York and out of my comfort zone with my circle of friends including immediate family.  The last few years I have become more open than ever.  I have to admit that it frightens me to have lowered protective walls and allowed so many people into my heart.  Today I feel especially vulnerable, like a turtle without a shell, exposed with nothing to shelter me.

Three Amigos

My friendship with Paula Welsh and Irene Grabiec has lasted the test of time.  Eleven years with Paula and 10 with Irene.  We have seen each other through everything.  Shared birth and death, sickness and health, laughter and tears (sometimes at the same time).  We watched our children play and grow up together, spouses age, supported life changes and the occasional mistakes. Time nor miles apart has had any effect on out attachment. I can not think of any friend that I love and admire as much as them.  My life has been touched and blessed by their companionship. Looking forward to another decade of friendship.

US Army

Good Luck Alec...I am so proud of you...

One of my closest friend's younger son left Syracuse this morning for the Army.  Paula was my first friend in NY and I have known Alec since he was 7.  Even  though he is about 15 months AJ's junior, the boys shared many good times together and for years I had Alec here for day visits as well as sleepovers.  He has always been mischievous and adventurous.  I still have remainders of forts built by Alec in our woods.  I cannot count the times I had to scold him for using fire crackers while Doug was sleeping and he has been known to bring over a homemade grenade.  I learned the hard way to shake him down upon arrival.  The hours spent with AJ (and Wyatt tagging along) playing GI Joe action figures and toy guns scattered all over the yard or house depending on the weather are priceless. I find memories of Alec extremely entertaining.  If anyone was born for the Army it was him. The past few years he has gotten into a little bit of trouble.  Seeing him join  the military is bitter sweet.  Of course as a second mom I worry about his safety, but at the same time grateful he is taking control of his future....
This weekend Irene and I are meeting Paula for dinner.  I evening of girl time to comfort a friend that has  another child leaving the nest.  I know how hard it was for me to see AJ off to college....I cannot imagine seeing a plane leave for Oklahoma carrying my baby to the Army....Irene and I will see her through this tough transition.

Relay for Life

Opening Lap, because I was not speaking until 6:30 and I had Jesse along side, I was not there for the opening

This weekend Madison County hosted the annual Relay for Life Rally at the Oneida High School. One of my best friends, Heather, works for Bridges and had a Reality Check Booth at the Rally as well as served on the American Cancer Society committee.  She asked me to speak at this years rally.  I was very uncertain, but chose to participate.  I was nervous to say the least, but I have learned along the years that pushing through fear, brings personal growth. I gave a very short speech (while doing it it felt like a very long speech). After completing my draft I was asked to incorporated services I received from ACS... I still only had to write it twice. Jesse accompanied me and Heather kept an eye on him while I did my part. I stumbled a couple of times, but was quick to recover. The following is my speech. Although it looks incredibly long, in reality it took about 7 minutes to complete.

Hi…My name is Sheron… I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend as well as a cancer survivor.  I am sure I would have much in common with some of you…But there one connection we all share…cancer…

You may be living through a personal battle or like me, sporting the scars from the fight for life that was won, possibly mourning a lost loved one, supporting a patient or hoping the best for someone you know that has been touched by this disease.  Cancer is no respecter of age, religion, gender or nationality.

My own illness was my second fight with the disease.  My first experience was being a caregiver to my mother.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2006.  As one can imagine, after losing my mom to lung cancer in 2002, my own diagnosis was surreal. 

My first recollected thought was survival. I made up my mind I was going to fight back in that battle. My husband, Doug and I have a good marriage and our sons AJ and Wyatt were only 14 and 8.  I had plenty of reasons I wanted to stay on this planet.  With my faith in God and my relationship with Jesus Christ I knew, that somehow, everything would be okay, that I would be restored. The only question remained was whether it was here or in Heaven.

My faith saw me through medical visits, tests, surgery and treatments. The love for my family kept me strong.  I found myself in the care of amazing medical professionals, loving family and supportive friends. My husband was my primary care giver and he stood by my side, played cards with me while chemotherapy was  being administered, helped with the household duties and  our children while holding a full time job. My sister, Karen took care of me from a thousand miles away as well as coming to my aide during radiation. My closest friend, Irene, pulled childcare duty for days on end when I chose to go out of state for internal radiation. My brother, Bill supported in his own way.  He had me covered in prayer VIA the internet all over the world. 
I feel I remained hopeful but yes, I did have my moments of doubt, crying in my husbands arms because the thought of leaving my boys broke my heart. 

Treatment was not all hardship.   It taught me how brave I can be. How much I love my family.  How great God really is.  I had so much support from my church family and friends. Even my employer at the time, Wal-mart, was understanding and accommodating.
I received help from medical specialists and the American Cancer Society.  My oncology office here in Oneida provided samples of medication I couldn’t afford as well as nursing staff strait from Heaven.  The American Cancer Society provided me with a wig that suited my personality and the Look Good Feel Better program was a lot of fun in a bad situation.  I was taught application tips to use make up to cover the effects of treatment, different ways to use scarves and how to make a tee shirt turban.  I left feeling like a queen for the day and a bag full of cosmetics.  I encourage you to take advantage of these and other services that is offered to you.

 The fight can be difficult and recovery can feel long but as you can see I made it through this trial and I stand before you as living proof that there is life after cancer. Not only am I living a full life with my husband and sons now 20 and 14, we welcomed a third blessing, Jesse William to our family on New Years Eve 2008.

I want to leave you with  my own personal reflections I could have been diagnosed six months earlier.  I don’t want to go into details of the medical mistake, but instead touch on the fact that if I would have been my own advocate my battle may have been less wearing on my body.  There is a great chance that the tumor would have been much smaller and relieving the need for chemotherapy. Fortunately, as the mass grew bigger, I sought a second opinion from my now primary care provider, Barbara Jeffers (who by the way is fabulous), she ordered a mammogram and I was quickly diagnosed and given a biopsy by Dr Spirt at Oneida Imaging. Please if you take nothing else from my experience remember to be your own advocate…( If you are a caregiver, you may have to be the one standing in the gap for the patient)…be strong and ask the questions. Please stand up for yourself, don’t ignore symptoms and never dismiss a growth.  You deserve the best medical care available and it is your right to expect and even insist on it.

Also I know first hand how isolating this illness can make you feel, even with the best care and the most amazing support.  As you walk through this time try to remember you are not alone, allow your friends and loved ones to care for you and support you in whatever way you need.

I also remember as caregiver having feelings of helplessness, stress and loneliness.  An illness such as this can bring forth many emotions…whether you are a caretaker or patient keep in mind that you are partners in this fight …

I want to say a personal thank you to the caregivers.  You are an irreplaceable partner in the life of your loved one.  You are amazing! To the Warriors I want to encourage you to continue to fight back with all you have in you. 
"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, fro a triple-braided cord is not easily broken" This is one of my favorite verses from the Bible and can be found in Ecclesiastes 4:12
Life is beautiful and meant to be cherished and enjoyed…I leave here thanking God for my health and my family and asking Him to go with you and yours. 

Jesse

Me and my constant (sometimes only) companion