I am going through a very odd time of my life. There is a pretty good deal of uncertainty. For instance our move South. Doug an I both want it. He does because he needs to change work without changing companies...me, because the South is my home. So we have the uncertainty of selling the house, of buying a new house, of transfer for work, will my older sons come? And the list goes on and on. All i can do about the move is prepare. And I am. Cleaning out and sorting, deciding what we'll keep and discarding what I can. I also have the uncertainty of my health and the uncertainty of continuing with holistic medicine do to the costs. I at times doubt my ability to care for this home and family.
A few weeks ago I chose to leave a job filled with people I truly care about thinking the reason is me being over stressed and having unresolved health issues. But now I think it was a God thing...bare with me a minute. The reason I say that is I felt I should have quit at the beginning of summer but I didn't I changed my schedule to work 2 days and be off the rest of the week to spend time with Jesse. We were so busy trying to have "The Summer of Fun" I didn't have time to see what I have been seeing these last few days...particularly today...
We went from a busy summer to a hectic fall ...he started back to school and I started bad to work...
Before I continue let me tell you a little about my 3rd child. Jesse has always been special. He has always had high needs and bigger personality than anyone I have ever met. I have been trying to figure out for 6 years what is going on with him...what makes him so quirky? I have suspected everything from being a genius to a brat that needs a spanking to possibly Aspergers Syndrome.
The doctors can find anything unusual, but I know there is something there. After a miserable night and afternoon I come to suspect he has ADD/ADHD...I read an article that should have his picture on it...I don't know that will be a diagnosis I will just be shocked if it is not. If I had not spent as much time with him in the kitchen cooking and washing dishes, getting him ready for bed and helping him complete his list I would not have seen what I saw in him today...
I believe God wanted me to leave work at the beginning of summer and when I didn't he gave me just enough pressure to leave in the fall...I believe that because I finally slowed down he opened my eyes to the fact that Jesse needs my help. I love him more than anything in the world...I just want him to be okay.
Do I want to return to work? Yes...but right now my little boy needs all my attention, patience and support. I feel at peace for the first time in months. I feel closer to God than I have in a few years. I know I need him...I was just to busy to realize it....How easy is it to forget he is just a breath away?
