Me and jesse

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Sick Day

Me and my two younger sons have something going on.  Wyatt has the sniffles and a sore throat.  Jesse has been subject to an insect attack.  He is all itchy and some places swollen. I am thinking maybe a flea came off a cat when sleeping in his bed.  I need to change the sheets and blankets AGAIN and maybe get a plastic mattress cover for his bed. And for pity's sake keep the cats downstairs.  I have a sore throat and swollen lymph glands that are tender and generally feel ran down.
Jesse is watching Bubble Guppies and Wyatt is playing a video game.  I am trying to get things done a little at a time...it is not easy with no energy.

Sheron Day

Sheron days are not fun days.  It is a day when I feel drained, tired, frustrated and pretty much disappointed in myself.  I know if I could manage to get my thoughts off self loathing I could possibly salvage the morning and make this a good day.
I am disappointed in myself for taking advantage of Doug's generosity.  He gave me my credit card to pay my tuition for Gum Paste and Fondant Class and to buy class kit.  I bought the whole 199.99 kit that supplies all I need for all three classes and a few extras like the tool organizer.  Although I had a 40% off coupon and will save money in the long run I dread when the bill comes in. He is in a bad mood this morning so I will wait about confessing my self loath and reason for it.
I have tried very hard to be a good wife.  I go through spells where I feel I more than earn my keep with the work I do here, then I picture the cost of room, board, utilities and spending that I am not contributing to. I realize I could never work hard enough to provide my share....I tried asking  before spending any money, but that didn't last long.  I guess I must try harder...

First Roses

I hope to make my own business once I have learn the basics and can make something marketable...I'll call it
 Pipe Dreams Cakes and Desserts

Really have to work on my piping letters :(

I went ahead of class again and figured out how to make roses. Far from perfect bit not bad for a beginner.  I have piped so much in the past two weeks that my hands and wrists are sore.  This is my first birthday cake since taking class.  I made it for Sarah Grabiec, one of my best friend's daughter.
All aboard, next stop is a Thomas the Tank Engine cake for my little Zion's third birthday....I may need a soft cast after that one.

Contentment

After a few years of trying to figure out who I am and what I want to be I have finally discovered contentment. 
I still have dreams and I still plan, but for the most part I am living the life I chose and desired.  I have raised one child who loves the Lord and has chosen to put himself through Bible college.  My second born is a good and loving young man.  Closer to 14 than thirteen, growing up much faster than I would like.  I cherish the years I have spent home sowing into the lives of my boys.  It is not a glamorous life, but it is rarely boring.  My husband, Doug, loves having me home as well.  He never really wanted me to pursue a career although he would have supported me if that is what I chose.  We have son number three still in diapers so I always have something to pick up, wipe up or just wipe.  He is the blessing I didn't expect and even with the first 24 plus months being such a challenge, I would not change having him for the world. 
Being a good wife, loyal to and loving toward my husband strengthens him.  Taking the bulk of the responsibility of our home and children bring me pleasure and pride. My children know they are deeply loved and they are secure because of it.  Despite my mistakes as an individual and a parent I feel I have made a victorious come back and living a pretty good life.  I'm happily content.
I am planning to start school soon. Probably online the Spring semester for paralegal studies.  My friend Irene is supportive and feels I would be good at it.  Nine to five, no weekends or holidays and I could start out part time when Jesse starts school.  My plans for the future is not out of frustration nor discontent. Things change and I have to find a way to change along with them.

Sweet Treats

Cake Class Two

Today was interesting.  Got up to get Wyatt off  to school on four hours sleep.  Because Jesse woke at 6:30 I didn't get to lay back down as planned.  After a miserable attempt at a nap I rose from my couch groggy and a little grouchy and started my day.  Had coffee, fed Jesse and headed to Poolville to pick up an electric mixer I was offered on Freecycle.  The giver was a lovely woman, we had a nice chat before I took my plunder and headed to Morrisville.  My little man feel asleep on the way home and that made investigating my new appliances a bit easier.  The little mixer I don't see it being able to a lot.  It doesn't have a lot of power although the stand is convenient and it will be great for small jobs.  Whipping cream, coloring frosting and small batches of batter.  I was going to give it to my sweetheart Pri, but she already owns a mixer. The cream of the gift is the processor.  It converts from a food processor to mega mixer to blender.  Even though it is 31 years old, it is solid, gently used and seldom operated. The best thing about items such as this, they were built in a time when things were meant to last. Hopefully I will get several years use out of it.  It is a blessing to me and came at the most opportune time as my hand mixer stripped making the crazy butter cream icing we use in cake class.

Lovely Food Processor Center

As a housewife part of my roll in managing the home is to find ways to stretch the budget and growing up on a shoe string helped me to learn to get as much for the dollar as possible.  I am glad to be the kind of person who can look at a used Sunbeam appliance and see something as grand as a Kitchen Aid. Who enjoys a used outfit and giveaway bags full of toddler clothes. Someone who is willing to spend a few hours turning an old Lazy Susan into a pedestal cake decorating platform instead of paying 20.00 for a Wilton brand.  And it is not just a way to save bank, I enjoy spending my time (dare I say talents) instead of my husband's paycheck.

Removed the outer ring shaving it off with straight blades

Removed paint and smoothed out the wood

Glue on a replaceable rubber shelf liner for stability

Exhausted but Still Going

I recently started a cake decorating course.  I have been to only one class and really enjoyed it.  Because last Monday was a holiday there was no class.  We are picking up today on session two.  I made my first cake for  our church Baptism and picnic.  I did techniques not covered but the class, but was in our curriculum and practice boards.

Fortunately I did all my prep work last night.  Cooked white chili to share with the Grabiecs today and heading to drop the boys off and to Dewitt for my next course.  I am extremely tired and ready for bed, but at the same time excited to be going to my class.  I love cooking and wanted to know how to decorate sweets...it is a blessing to me to take this opportunity for myself.

I'll never forget September 11, 2001

At that time we were a home school family.  AJ was in forth grade and Wyatt was only three.  My sister called and told me a plane had hit the World Trade Center.  At first I thought she was joking, so I turned on the the television and that is where I remained all day watching gut wrenching history being made.  I saw victims falling from the building, I always assumed it was to escape the inferno within the building.  I witnessed the second attack, the hijacked airline causing more death and unbelievable destruction. And sat in complete disbelief when the first tower fell and then the second.  Hearing another plane was hijacked and crashed in a Pennsylvania field brought even more pain but also pride in the bravery of the passengers.  Went to church that evening with most of the other Christians around the country to pray.  We watched the news for weeks as the workers sifted through rubble to recover the dead and the few that thankfully survived. September 11th is not just a day our country was brutally attacked.  It was a day that brought us all together. There was no North or South, East or West we were one country united. 

 

It is hard to believe that it has been 10 years.  Our military are still fighting the war on terror, there seems to be no end to the death that started that fateful day.  I am remembering the fallen, the injured, the brave, the heroes both living and dead, our soldiers that have lost their lives for our country and the ones still fighting to keep us safe and the families that have lost loved ones and waiting for their family to come home.

"Today as I reflect on the past 10 years since 9/11, it is evident that God is sovereign and He is gracious. I pray for all the people of this nation, because not one person was left untouched. Forever we've been changed. Tragedy must make us better not bitter. It's our choice to make. May America bless God today as she remembers so many courageous people who've lost and gave their lives". ♥ ~ Pastor Kristy Camp

Accepting Grace

My Public Declaration

Making a New Commitment

Leaving the Past Behind

Embracing Changes and God's Blessing on my Life

Just the Beginning

AJ in Scotland

Unless you have walked through your child leaving home, there is no way to understand the diversity of feeling a parent can go through. And I believe it is as strong of a loss for a father, but the mother really feels it.
I am so happy AJ is pursing the relationship with the Lord, education and path he desires, but I also feel a great deal of loss, stress, pain and general anxiety over it.  He has left, an adult now.  Where do I fit in? He no longer desires my attention or company.  How do I treat my baby as an adult?  How will our relationship differ when he comes home for a visit? On breaks? Will he come home after he finishes his education or enter the mission field for at least nine months?
This is different than any other milestone in his young adult life.  Getting his license, turning of age, missions trips, graduating or his first full time job.  None of these things even come close to the feeling of leaving your son and allowing him to pursue his own life away you. I know all the milestones from his first step to his graduation were all part of the grand plan to ease his passing from my child to his own person and vice versa.
I am in the middle of a heart ache I don't know how I am suppose to feel.  I am in a sense of morning. I'm happy with my life, husband and the other two beauties I have left home, but I miss my boy.  I guess I always will because he is not a boy anymore.  He is a man and he is smart, brave and beautiful. And the one thing I know for sure he will fly just fine.

Write or Wrong

I do most everything left handed with the acception of writing and using a knife for cooking.
I started cake decorating class this past Monday. I noticed when I while filling my piping bag I did it as a left hander would. The funny thing is it felt perfectly natural in my left hand.  When practicing this morning I started my star row from right to left.  I didn't think much of it until I realized I couldn't see well what I was doing, my hand was is the way.  I changed direction and finished my row then decided to try it left handed.  I made another row on my practice board, the precision was off a little, but I could easily learn to pipe with my left hand.
When I was a little girl my mom thought that I was going to be left handed. I used it as my dominant hand or that is what she told me.  Once I started school my teacher encouraged me to use my write hand.  For whatever reason she feltIi needed to write right handed I will never know. I think if were not for that I would have been a full fledged South Paw.  I guess in a way she did me a service.  I may not be ambidextrous if not being encouraged to use my right hand. 
Jesse is leaning towards being left handed.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see in his time which hand is dominate. I hope he, like his mom will be ambidextrous. The ability to use both hands is pretty cool. 

Double Standard

It is known that we as Christians will be hated by the world.  When we opened our hearts to God and accepted Jesus as our personal Savior we must have turn neon blue because everybody seems to have their eyes on us, just waiting for a mistake and celebrate in our failure. It seems to be a passion for some to judge our behavior as unchristian like.
If a unfortunately a Christian stumbles and was unfaithful in her marriage one may hear "She has an affair? but how could she? She is a Christian" verses a non Christian in the same situation "She had an affair? Poor thing, she is just in a bad marriage".
"Those kids picked on my children but they are suppose to be Christians." but  for the world "those kids picked on my kids? Oh well kids will be kids."
"That church didn't kiss my feet when I visited. They are so unchristian, I'll never go to church again." Flip side-"That club didn't make me feel welcome. Guess I'll have  to keep looking till I find a fit."
The sad part is it is not only the world that uses this measuring stick. We, as Followers of Christ are under so much observance to find a flaw from the world. Like that is not enough pressure, to have to take it from other Christians as well.
If you believe in Jesus and have accepted Him as your Savior you are a Christian. Yes, we are to strive to live by high standards. No, it is not always easy.  What people have seemed to forgotten is Christians are still human. We love God and we live under grace, but we are not bullet proof and we were not given a magic potion that would keep us from making mistakes.
We are told in the Bible that we will be hated by the world.  It also tells us we are to love our brothers and sisters and leave the judgement to God. There are times that our church leaders have to make judgements of situations. They have been placed in a position of authrity and they are responsible for looking after the church. Don't think for one moment that it is easy for them or they take any kind of joy in seeing a fellow member fall.
I have been guilty myself. It pains me to say so, but it is true. I am so sorry for offenses I let fester under my skin. Allowing myself to listen to the enemy, I have become selfish, complacent and down right feasting with the swine.  I have people around me that love me and have been my touch stones.  A couple of sisters in our church saw things they knew was ungodly and tried to stear me away, I took it as judgement and condemnation, not love and concern which is what it was.  I have complained to friends about certain church members and how bad they made me feel. How I don't belong. I was so far gone I couldn't have seen the truth if an angel came down and sang it to me in a hymn.  I myself have fallen more times than I have stood. I do thank God for Grace.
I do see the world of believers with a slightly different point of view today.Our brothers and sisters are not limited to our church.  Any believer in Christ is your family.  Do you have to like every member of the family? Of course not. Dou you like everyone you are kin to? Seriously. It doesn't matter what the denomination,  Like or dislike Jesus connects us. Yes, there will be times where we are rubbed the wrong way, but maybe we should stop and concider what is the cause of the friction, it can't aways be the other person.  I think the point of this post is like them or love them they are part of you and you are a part of them and we are all part of Christ. If you are hording unforgiveness or judgement, get to the root of it, go to the person if you need to and get on with living. I know now, no matter how much I want to be, I cannot be everyone's best friend, but I can love them regardless of how deep our friendship is.I can worship with the whole body and hang out with the other "toes".  It is time to get our eyes off each other and look up! It is about Him and not us anyway!

This Sunday I am plan Baptized  for the second time. Not that I don't believe once was enough, but to publically confess my love for Jesus and as an outward show of my new walk with him.  Also as a new start. After 7 or so years with this particular church body,  I think it is time to fully plant myself here. My baptism  will mark my new dedicated life in the family of Resurrection Life Fellowship.