The older I get, the more I realize that age doesn’t bring wisdom. It only brings weary. I’m not any smarter than I was 30 years ago. I’ve just grown too tired to juggle the lies and hide the fears. Self-awareness doesn’t reveal my indiscretions; exhaustion does. 

John Teller 

It's Just About Here

The Seventh and Final Season of Sons of Anarchy

It has been a fun ride with the bad boys of F/X. I began watching it with the Pilot.  The show became very gritty by season five and I barely made it through season six, but because of the fondness of the characters I must see it through to the end.

First there was Abel

Next came Thomas

Wicked Boys, Chibs (far left) is my favorite

Three out of five DEAD!

Season Six Promo

Season Seven Final Ride

 

Sons of Anarchy, aka SAMCRO, is a motorcycle club that operates both illegal and legal businesses in the small town of Charming. They combine gun-running and a garage, plus involvement in porn film. Clay, the president, likes it old school and violent; while Jax, his stepson and the club's VP, has thoughts about changing the way things are, based on his dead father's journal. Their conflict has effects on both the club and their personal relationships. ~source IMDb

Greater

By Mercy Me

Bring your tired

Bring your shame

Bring your guilt

Bring your pain

Don’t you know that’s not you’re name

You will always be much more to me

Every day I wrestle with the voices

That keep telling me I’m not right

But that’s alright

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I’ll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

In the world

In the world

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

Bring your doubts

Bring your fears

Bring your hurt

Bring your tears

There’ll be no condemnation here

You are holy, righteous and redeemed

Every time I fall

There’ll be those who will call me

A mistake

Well that’s ok

There’ll be days I lose the battle

Grace says that it doesn’t matter

‘Cause the cross already won the war

He’s Greater

He’s Greater

There’ll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause the cross already won the war

He’s Greater
He’s Greater

I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more

He’s Greater
He’s Greater

Song on YouTube

This One Got Me

I am not a person who is overwhelmed by the death (or the life) of celebrities.  I'll hear about it on the news or read it on Facebook (immediately go to another source to see if it is true) and be saddened by it, but I didn't know them, why would I feel grieve?

This was true until yesterday....
My eldest son text me at work to tell me of the death of Robin Williams. Of course, I didn't know him. But although he is only 15 years older than myself I grew up with him.  I remember his debut on Happy days as Mork the Ork.  Now one had seen anything like him, it was hilarious and no wonder he landed (pun intended) into the in the spin off Mork and Mindy.  I watched his comedy for years, enjoyed comic relief, and then came the movies....of every shape and size (excluding horror of course unless you count One Hour Photo or Popeye) and he was amazing in them all.  I think my favorites are Hook, Dead Poets, Good Morning Vietnam, Patch Adams and The World According to Garp. After work my older sons watched Patch Adams with me.  AJ saw it when he was a little boy and Wyatt had had never seen it... I think he was impressed.

I don't want to focus on his death...click here is a bio of his life.


Saying goodbye to this particular celebrity is a rough one. He was a great entertainer and a humanitarian...I'm sure he is being mourned by many and will be greatly missed.  I know he will be missed in my world...Thanks for the laughs Robin...

Maybe Happiness is Overrated?

Last night as I was cutting our grass it dawned on me that I am not a happy person.  I can't remember the last time I was happy.... Was it before the relocation to NY in 2000? Was it before the death of my mother in 2002? Was it before the economy went to hell? I honestly cannot remember when I was happy.  There has been joy and happy times.  We as a family have been greatly blessed.  Maybe there is not real sense of happiness? Maybe the happy moments and times of joy is our happiness?
No, I think happy is suppose to be in the background running like a hidden program on our computer....I think that since of happy is what keeps us sane in our hard times. If that theory is true, where is my happy? Where do I find it? How do I get it going again?


As I end this post I want to make it clear that I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  I am in a stable and most of the time can be considered a good marriage.  I have been with the same man, Doug, since I was 18...we were married shortly after my 19th birthday.  We have three sons scattered through the years.  AJ is 22, Wyatt is 16 and Jesse is 5.  We have a nice home, decent vehicles and occupations.  We have everything we need (for the most part)...our biggest struggle is debt.  We just about get debt free and something happens...big things happen that puts us either back in debt or further in it. That is where my part time jobs come in.  I am grateful to have employment especially since it (in theory) should't take away from time with my younger boys.

"A Life That's Good"

by Connie Britton, Charles Esten, Lennon & Maisy

Husband, youngest son and eldest son

Sitting here tonight, by the fire light.
It reminds me, I already have more than I should.
I don't need fame, no one to know my name.

At the end of the day,
Lord I pray,
I have a life that's good.

Two arms around me, heaven to ground me,
and family that always calls me home.
Four wheels to get there, enough love to share, 
and a sweet, sweet, sweet song.

At the end of the day, 
Lord I pray,
I have a life that's good.

Sometimes I'm hard on me, when dreams don't come easy.
I wanna look back and say, I did all that I could.

Yeah at the end of the day,
Lord I pray,
I have a life that's good.

Two arms around me, heaven to ground me,
and family that always calls me home.
Four wheels to get there, enough love to share, 
and a sweet, sweet, sweet song.

At the end of the day,
Lord I pray, 
I have a life that's good.
At the end of the day,
Lord I pray,
I have a life that's good.

As you can tell Nashville is one of my favorite shows...

Hear the song

It's Not What You Do That Matters

It's how well you are willing to do it....

Prep cook, cleaner, dishwasher oh my! Rocking my uniform....Not my best look.

I started a part time job this week. At first I was rather embarrassed by the fact that I am 48 years old and I am working at McDonalds....not so much anymore.
It has been an especially long week since my middle son, Wyatt is gone to summer camp.  I had to hire a sitter for the first time in Jesse's existence, getting him ready to go and dropping him off added to my morning stress.
Here I am, the new girl.  The new middle aged woman among mostly younger staff.  I was pleasantly surprised that there are several people my age or older working along side of me.  I clean A LOT, do the after breakfast rush dishes (many, many, many dishes) the dining room and make parfaits and salads...I have learned to run the frier and that is quite and experience during lunch rush. I know it is just a part time job in a fast food restaurant, but with all things I attempt I want to do well.  I m willing able to learn everything and willing to do anything that is asked....It is important to me to give a good days work for a days wage...

Of course I still have all my house hold duties. And three nights a week I am still a cleaner.  Life is extremely stressful at the moment...but I will get used to it all and make a way to a new normal...

When school starts back I should be working just shy of 40 hours between the 2 jobs...I'm tired...a little cranky and about to leave for my second job....no rest for the weary....but in my business I feel blessed...