Letting Go

At Camp Shiloh 2011 "The New Normal"

I am in the middle of an AJ meltdown. I have been preparing for this time for years, but here it is exactly one week until I drive him to college. It feels like the last week that he is "mine".  After Saturday he will be on his own.  I assume my grief is perfectly natural.  All I know is how bad it hurts.  I am happy for him and so proud of the young man he has become, but my heart and my thoughts goes back to when he was my constant companion, before Wyatt was born.  He always wore a ball cap and cowboy boots. My little boy,  how wonderful it felt when he ran to my arms. What a joy he was. At times when he was little it felt like the responsibility and neediness would never end. It did end and far faster than I imagined.  I know I still have Wyatt (whom I adore) and Jesse is who is still a baby really.  And they are a great comfort, but they can't take the place of AJ.  Yes, letting go, to date, the hardest thing I have done. 

With Bethany and Emily Karaman.  Em is also going to Elim