New Year, New Life

I don't have a bunch of New Years resolutions.  I do, however, have a plan.  I want a do over in my life.  I want to stop whining over what I feel my life should have been and start living the life I have.  My marriage in not perfect, but it is worth working for.  Yes, I am a middle aged mother of a preschooler who zaps my energy by mid morning (Maybe how power naps were discovered).  We are not as comfortable financially as we once were, but we do have 3 square meals...no one, not even the pets are doing without.  I have come to the conclusion that my belief in a full schedule somehow made me accomplished is utter bull. I am not accomplished I am tired.  It is time to step back and readjust my thinking and prioritize.
I am starting this new venture with my Bible, a blank calender and a notebook.  I am going to take stock in my life and weed out the business that is just that...business.  My time and talents are valuable. This year I want to get to know Jesus, really know him.  Have an intimate relationship with my Lord. Something I have never quite understood, but greatly desired.  I want to enjoy my last months home with Jesse before he takes his first steps away from me into preschool.  I want to  get to know me.  My likes and dislikes, my hopes and dreams.  I want to sew more time with Wyatt and enjoy whatever time I have left with my grown son, AJ, before he moves out on his own. I want to find a diet I can stick to and regain my girlish figure.  I want to be the kind of friend I would like to have. I want to bless my husband and let him know everyday he is loved and that his sacrifice for us, his family, is not unnoticed but appreciated.
I know that is a lot to try and fix. I also know if I work on these things a little everyday and not try to force myself into being superwoman, but patiently allow myself to blossom all these things (and more) are possible.

Never Alone

May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you And heaven accept you when it's time to go home May you always have plenty, the glass never empty  

And know in your belly, you're never alone

 
May your tears come from laughing, you find friends worth having 

 As every year passes, they mean more than gold May you win and stay humble, smile more than grumble And know when you stumble, you're never alone
Never alone, never alone I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown Wherever you fly this isn't goodbye  

My love will follow you, stay with you, baby, you're never alone

 
Well, I have to be honest as much as I wanted I’m not gonna promise that cold winds won't blow So when hard times have found you and your fears surround you  

Wrap my love around you, you're never alone
Never alone, never alone I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown Wherever you fly this isn't goodbye 

My love will follow you, stay with you, baby, you're never alone

 
May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you And heaven accept you when it's time to go home So when hard times have found you and your fears surround you Wrap my love around you, you're never alone
Never alone, never alone I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown Wherever you fly, this isn't goodbye  

My love will follow you, stay with you, baby, you're never alone 
My love will follow you, stay with you, baby, you're never alone

~Lady Antebellum

"I married your dad,

 

had you boys and put my dreams on hold"  What dreams? ...."To be single and childless"

Raining on Sunday

By Keith Urban

It ticks just like a Timex
It never lets up on you
Who said life was easy
The job is never through
It'll run us 'til we're ragged
It'll harden our hearts
And love could use a day of rest
Before we both start falling apart

Pray that it's raining on Sunday
Stormin' like crazy
We'll hide under the covers all afternoon
Baby whatever comes Monday
Can take care of itself
'Cause we got better things that we could do
When it's raining on Sunday

Your love is like religion
A cross in Mexico
And your kiss is like the innocence
Of a prayer nailed to a door
Oh surrender in much sweeter
When we both let it go
Let the water wash our bodies clean
And love wash our souls

Pray that it's raining on Sunday
Stormin' like crazy
We'll hide under the covers all afternoon
Baby whatever comes Monday
Can take care of itself
'Cause we got better things that we could do
When it's raining on Sunday

Pray that it's raining on Sunday
Stormin' like crazy
We'll hide under the covers all afternoon
Baby whatever comes Monday
Can take care of itself
'Cause we got better things that we could do
When it's raining on Sunday
When it's raining on Sunday
When it's raining on Sunday
Let it rain

What Is It You Think I Need, Sweetheart? Love?

Only men need to be loved. Women need to be wanted. -Gemma, Sons of Anarchy

Tattoos and chivalry. A delicious combination.

— Agent Stahl - Sons of Anarchy

Stuck in Neutral?

I never did much with my life.  The younger years I lived for the day, figured the future would play itself out without any help from me.  Was satisfied with simplicity.  Working in a sock factory on production pay was just fine as long as I brought home a few hundred dollars a week I had all the money I needed.  As a high school drop out I never really thought more of higher education.  That was for a higher class than I was in...People with professional parents or rich grandparents.  My mom had a good job she hated with Bell South, it took every cent she made to support us.  If she ever saw money from Daddy's business we never knew.  all I witnessed was gambling, drinking and occasional abuse.My brother, Bill took the brunt of it. He moved out as soon as it was possible for him to live on his own, My sister started working at 16, between that and her social life she managed to make her escape.  A situation like this, being the youngest child was not optimal.  Mom finally had enough and made our final escape when I was 16.  I think the fact I had gotten involved with a 21 year old man prompted her to go. Buck Key (no I didn't make it up).  My best friend was popping out babies of his nephew, that is how we met...through Theresa.  My mom saved me.  She saw something bigger in me than Lithia Springs Georgia, married to a kind drunk with no ambition.
My mom remarried to an ex friend of my dads.  He seemed to be everything she missed.  Everything I missed.  He eventually chose the bottle and abandoned us.    I still married young...not sixteen. After our escape to Villa Rica I kissed too many frogs and met my husband at eighteen and took his name at 19.  According to statistics, too young, and my marriage was doomed to failure.  Twenty seven years and and three sons later we have seemed to beat those odds...I have struggled with self doubt and loathing most of my life... I believe my youth has played a big role in shaping who I am.  I can pinpoint places in my life that influenced my outcome.  Thirty years later I take responsibility for my life and the choices both good and bad really don't have any connective tissue to my my two abandoning dads.  Doug, for the most part has been a good husband.  He wanted a housewife and I eagerly took that position.  Through the years I have worked the odd job, got my GED and have some technical training under my belt.  But I always seem to come back to this.  The role of a house wife.  The last time started in 2008 when being pregnant at 42 took too much out of me to continue working at the local hardware store.  Between cost of living, gas prices and too many medical bills we have struggled financially especially the last two years. Tax breaks Bush gave us are at and end.  I wonder just how much longer middle class can exist?
I guess the grass is always greener.  Right now my 9 bucks an hour gig at Walmart looks pretty good, although with Doug's schedule there is no room for me to work.  a couple years ago I tried working weekends and it put more stress on him than helped financially. Time away from the kids as well as taking some of  their freedom, it was doomed to fail.  I have to deal with the fact until Jesse starts school, we are just going to have to make due.  Still trying to figure out what to do is difficult. Medical cuts I am not sure I want to pursue Phlebotomy  or Dental Hygiene. I have recently had an interest in paralegal.  Apparently filling out an application to college is not my strong suite.  Wasn't denied, just somehow it was incomplete.  Looking into the work force nearing 50 is scary enough without getting into debt for school. 
When I look at my life and I realize that I am completely dependent on another human being, even though it is one I love and trust, it scares the hell out of me.  Everything I own, every cent I spend, the food I consume, clothes, medical and housing, literally everything it takes to survive is provided by my husband.  There was a time I was cool with that.  I had the whole June Cleaver thing going.  My job was to keep the house,cook the meals, raise the kids and keep my man happy.  Which I have done with excellence most of my adult life. I don't know why I am so unsatisfied.  Why do I feel stuck in neutral?

How Did I Get Here....

....and where is the exit?

Feeling trapped in my circumstances and feeling guilty for feeling trapped...Jesse turns 4 in just over a month, while I long for the day he starts school I mourn for the days past, the baby and toddler years that I took for granted in the mist of depression.  I have spent the last years only getting by.  I thought the worst was behind me, but the vicious cycle of anxiety coupled with depression is hitting my spirit like a cold rain.  I don't want Jesse to grow up too fast, I want to treasure these irreplaceable months I have left with him home with me where I am the center of his world and at the same time I want my freedom...round and round it goes and I am unable to enjoy anything. Sucking just enough joy from my life to keep me breathing.  I feel like a hypocrite going to church knowing that I am this unhappy in my life, knowing the only time I spend with God is in that pew.  I never wanted to be a Sunday Christian...Every week I promise myself this next week will be better...week after week I fail.  

The way I see it... when you reach the end of your rope you but 3 choices 1) tie a knot and hang yourself  2) Hang on until all your strength is gone and you are forced to release 3) Simply let go, fall into the arms of Jesus and let God sort it out....why is it, for me, number three is usually doesn't happen until I have tried the second option?....Even after complete exhaustion I still have trouble letting go...my hands are sore, bruised and blistered but I keep my grip....
Something has got to give....looks like that something is me....I just can't seem to get my head around the how to do it....

What is it with guys and poop? I would assume it was some kind of defect with mine, but I have over heard other, even older gents that seem to be very proud of what they produce...Wyatt will tell anyone it is time to "drop a deuce" and there was a time AJ would text a picture of an "Epic One" the way I would a picture of them of a craft project... I have to admit...they make me laugh...but ewwww.....

Great American Smoke Out

It's Up to Me...

It's my choice I can sit and be miserable in my circumstances or I can change my attitude...the circumstances are not going to change...Jesse will be home with me until next Fall at the earliest.  I can choose to settle in and be happy in the life that I picked to live (housewife and mother) and bless the ones I love or continue in self abuse over what I can't be or can't help with.  I think I am going to deal with the fact I cannot do everything, instead, do what I can...Tighten up the belt and figure creative ways to make a dime from a nickel, keep the home fabulous, cook yummy meals and educate Jesse....Mondays are my day off unless I have to keep an appointment the day will be earmarked to spend time with Doug and preschool  3- 4 mornings a week. I'm all set up with Crayola, Play Doh, colored pencils, work sheets, tons of books and Before Five in a Row.
My hope is to find happiness that I have been missing instead of grasping at ghosts and impossible goals to fill my desires....

Sad Songs Say So Much

I Would Have Loved You Anyway
Trisha Yearwood

If I'd known the way that this would end
If I'd read the last page first
If I'd had the strength to walk away
If I'd  known how this would hurt...
 

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway

It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine
But just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time...

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway

And even if I'd seen it coming
You'd still've seen me running
Straight into your arms

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway
I would've loved you anyway

Video

I did It Again? Really?

After another slip, a tearful evening and feeble prayers I looked for a little incite. I ran across this article. Does it help? Not much, but at least I know I am not alone... I have such a long way to go....

Struggling with Habitual Sin

Published November 8th, 2006 in Romans: Living the Christian Life

I wasn’t looking forward to Sunday night at all. I was faced with one of those passages that I felt if I said anything about, God would strike me dead in a flash.
The passage was Romans 7:14-25 where Paul talks about how he struggles with all sorts of things he doesn’t want to do, but ends up doing them anyway. Habitual sins is what we call these things - stuff that we know is wrong but for whatever reason we seemed powerless to stop doing them.
Habitual sins make us feel dirty and worthless. Paul exclaims at one point, “What a wretched man I am!” But it is important to realise here that Paul is expressing his frustration at his inability to beat sin in his own strength. It is not an expression of the truth, for Paul was not worthless or wretched, but a man loved by God. All through the Bible, and in many of Paul’s own letters, the fact that God loves us and thought so much of us that he went to great lengths to restore his relationship with us, is a recurring theme.
In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Paul calls each of us a temple of the Holy Spirit. God’s Spirit dwells within us in a way that is difficult to understand, but in a way that illuminates some of the areas of our life that god is working on. Simply being aware of the sin that we know shouldn’t be there is a sign that slowly but surely, God is working in us. If he wasn’t, we wouldn’t know these things were wrong and we wouldn’t worry about it anyway.
The reason I felt so scared about speaking on this passage was that I struggle with these things like anybody else. In fact, I don’t think I’ve met anybody who hasn’t - those that say they don’t, struggle with the habitual sin of lying! But somehow we must be able to live, and grow, in our faith while battling the things we don’t want to do. Here’s what I suggested would help:

1. Commit yourself for the long term (Heb 10:36, 12:1)
Sadly, we don’t beat habitual sin overnight. It takes a long time, and we need to accept that. Christianity is a life long calling, a life of being shaped and refined as part of the unfolding story of God in the world. We can’t just give up when things go wrong or when we make mistakes. When you fall, stand right back up, dust yourself down and keep going! Perseverance is the key.
2. Keep doing God’s work (2 Tim 4:2)
It still astounds me that God uses people like us (ok, people like me) to do his stuff. It will probably take me all eternity to get my mind around that. But that’s the way it is.
One of the most insidious parts of habitual sin is that it can paralyse us and stop us fulfilling what God is calling us to do. We stop serving, and listen to all the voices whispering in our ears saying that we’re not worthy of God’s love.
However Paul encourages Timothy to be prepared to teach both in season and out of season.  In season when, Timothy is feeling motivated and enthusiastic, and out of season when he can’t see the point and feels like God is far off. Keep serving God!
This is not a hypocritical thing (hypocrites don’t care that they are living a double life) but rather a life of integrity that acknowledges the struggles and invites others to share the journey.
Doing God’s work can also help replace bad habits. Doing God’s work means we are forced to pray to seek wisdom and help; we’re forced to look more intently at God’s word to find out what it really means in our context; we’re forced to meditate on what God is doing in our midst. As we do, these things become habits and slowly replace the stuff we’ve trying to get rid of for years.
3. Enlist some help (John 13:34-35)
We can’t do this alone. It takes a combined effort with God and others.
Jesus told us to love each other in the same way that he loved us. Obviously we can’t forgive each others sin in the same way God does, but we can help carry each others burdens and keep each other accountable.
Simply knowing that somebody is going to ask how you’ve been going with a certain area of your life is often enough to change things dramatically. If you haven’t already, get an accountability partner, a small group or just ask a friend or family member to help you out.
Don’t think you can beat habitual sin by yourself. You can’t.
4. Remember God loves you (Romans 5:8)
Through all of it, never forget that God loves you. It doesn’t matter what you’re struggling with, how long you’ve struggled with it, how many times you’ve made mistakes or even how many times you’ll do it again in the future. God still loves you.
Paul says earlier in Romans, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
I don’t know why God loves us that much, but he does.
Draw comfort from that, and keep living your Christian life.

Milestones

A.J. on his first election Day

Face it as a mother of a 20 year old there are very few "firsts" I have left to witness with my beloved elder son.  Today we went together to vote in the Presidential election.  I know it sounds silly to want to mark the moment...but I did...here is my son on his very first election day...

Election Day

It is no secret that I am not a fan of President Obama.  I actually cried when he took the title of Commander and Chief.  Although I am not in love with Mitt Romney, I once again find myself casting a vote for who I feel is the best of the two evils.  As the day unfolds into night (or maybe tomorrow morning) I will watch as the future of our country unfolds and we get an official count on who our country chooses to believe is the best person for the job....

What I see is telling me this worlds going crazy But what is real says God's still on His throne What I'll need is to remember one thing That the Lord of the gentle breeze is Lord of the rough and tumble And He is the King of the Jungle
~Steven Curtis Chapman

Rejection

No matter how you examine a situation, being rejected hurts.  I've been going through the motions of taking notes of past hurts so I can forgive them and ask God to forgive me for holding onto the grievances as well as expecting him to heal my pain...so far, so good....memories are random and defiantly out of order, but it seems the same type of thing that scars a 15 year old can also scar a 46 year old.  Since I started this journey, I have become moody and even more sensitive if that is even possible.  Trying and feeling as if I am failing at not causing anyone else harm as I journey to free myself. 

Little Goodbyes

Blessings

I'm thinking this should be my last post.  Looking back on this blog, it is a whine fest...not the person I am or desire to be. I have actually closed the top on my computer and realized there is life beyond a monitor and keyboard.  I have been investing my time in my home, family, friends and my relationship with Jesus.  The further I get from what I became the closer I get to recognizing myself.
I'm not blaming the computer for my neglect, it defiantly has it's place in society and in my life, but, for me, it was overshadowing my life. I had withdrawn from the real world, my family and I had forgotten my identity in Christ.  He has been reminding me of who I am and who he has called me to be.  I am a warrior.  I am to pray, to stand in the gap for others.  I know it is time I got back to that.  Although it is not a glamorous calling, it is an important one...I still struggle with "Fear of Man" when praying in public...my prayer for myself is courage, confidence and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. God has forgiven me for my mistakes as have I finally forgiven myself, one less stronghold the enemy has on my life...My struggle with depression appears to be behind me.  With submitting to over 3 years of treatment I am no longer on any medications to alter my brain chemistry.  It must have been the right time, I had little withdraw from Wellbutrin and none from Zoloft.  My thoughts are clearer, memory is stronger and concentration is greatly improved.  Energy levels seems to be an issue...in a good way...sitting and typing or watching television for an extended amount of time is nearly impossible.  I'm always on the move.  Instead of drugs, I pray, exercise and take a time out when things get overwhelming.  Lately I have been getting my little one to bed by eight so I can have one on one time with my ninth grader.  I am on a positive and doable schedule to help me use my time wisely and I have put my older boys on a schedule to help with house hold chores...they are doing it and I am feeling incredibly less stress.






I have been reading simple Bible teachings on Great Bible Studies. I linked it here in case someone else can use a refresher...these teachings are things I already knew about Spiritual Warfare, condemnation and guilt but somehow put a pin in it and forgotten simple truths. The mind is truly a battlefield and thoughts have to be evaluated and either accepted or dismissed.  Making the right choice and letting go of the past is crucial to avoid stronghold that Satan or his army to torment a soul.  Does it line up with what God has to say about me? Does it make me feel like a loser? Does it make me feel like the princess I am? Three easy steps to confirm condemnation.

Anyway...closing shop and facing the world..."Living and Loving This Charming Life"

Me Heather and Pri

Dixie Cups

I Don't Know Why It Happened...

But I managed to cut off my only escape route.

Beautiful Morning

I started the day with my wonderful three year old.  He loves to lay in bed with me and chat in the mornings. Things in my life must change.  I have decided to run my life instead of allowing it to run me.  For the last two weeks I have been using a chore list I found on a Christan Woman's blog, it has truly helped take the pressure off my schedule and I get more done.  The house is cleaner and when I don't spend too much time on the computer, I spend more time with Jesse. I started working out today.  Fifty  minutes with weights and 30 minutes on the elliptical.  I don't know if it will take this time, but for today, I really want to get healthy and slimmer.  Doug needs my help too.  I need to cook lighter and learn to fry less and reduce salt.  He has high blood pressure and I have high cholesterol.  Today is grocery list and menu day, so I will also research healthier recipes.  Hopefully as I gain control of my natural life, I will begin to work on the Spiritual too.  I have felt separated from God for a very long time.  To the point I am struggling to believe at all.  I read in a devotional yesterday that most things we don't work for we don't appreciate.  I felt I should apply that to my relationship with God.  No one can "give" it to me and these people I admire have put time and effort in to know Him and to have a personal relationship.  My flesh gets in the way too often.  My feelings get hurt or I get offended or I just choose sin over right because I need to feel good right now.  Instant gratification has served me well in the past, but it is not enough anymore. I want something real, something worth fighting for.  Just like my housework, these things I want to change won't happen on their own.  It is going to take daily effort on my part to see these changes through.  I have to be patient with myself on those days I don't perform the way I feel I should.

Queen of Insanity

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein

Sad Face

I am struggling with depression and anxiety again.  Everything seemed to be getting better, but the last few weeks I have been slipping into darkness.  I fight it...I count blessings, exercise, try and engage in projects that excite me, spend time with the kids, search for ways to encourage others and get my mind off myself.  I guess I am going to have to contact my doctor.  Really don't want to do that as I have been working to reduce medications and I am sure increasing will be the answer she gives me.  Now that my vitamin deficiency has been corrected and thyroid issues addressed I guess it is time to reevaluate the depression. For now I will keep plugging alone...cherishing the good days and managing the bad ones....

 

The last few weeks have been unreasonable. I bring it on myself trying to pack in too much work in one day. Why do I do it? A number of reasons. But I am only going to list a few.
I want to bless my family. Working hard hard gives me a sense of accomplishment. I take pride in my home and it makes me feel important to have a clean and orderly home. I want Doug to be proud of me and I feel when I have worked as hard as he does he appriecates my efforts.
I find it sad that I get my identity from being a good house keeper and mother. But that is what I am. Who I am is still a mistery. In this struggle to be a good everything I find myself exhausted in my body, my mind and even in my spirit. All I know to do is keep plugging along...maybe some balance will manage to surface when I least expect it.

September 11, 2012

Something to look forward to.  I miss my wicked boys (and girls)

First time I read Emma Goldman wasn't in a book. I was sixteen, hiking near the Nevada border . The quote was painted on a wall in red. When I saw those words it was like someone ripped them from the inside of my head.
Anarchism... stands for liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion; the liberation of the human body from the dominion of property; liberation from shackles and restraint of government. It stands for social order based on the free grouping of individuals.
The concept was pure, simple, true, it inspired me, led a rebellious fire, but ultimately I learned the lesson that Goldman, Prudot and the others learned. That true freedom requires sacrifice and pain. Most human beings only think they want freedom. In truth they yearn for the bondage of social order, rigid laws, materialism, the only freedom man really wants, is the freedom to become comfortable." ~John Teller

Season 5 this September

Survival

I'd say I have more than an average life.  Nice home, supportive husband, beautiful children, enough food, water and other necessities.  I remind myself of this to keep moving.  I'm having another day of extreme anxiety.  I am struggling to hang on to my personal beliefs in a mediocre relationship with God ( of course, the problem lies within me, not Him). Trying to keep my sanity while my three year old challenges everything I say and it seems there is nothing I can do right no matter how hard I try to accommodate him.  Wyatt is sick, he has been since Sunday.  I fear it is bronchitis. I forgot yet another orthodontist appointment even though I checked the calender and made not Wyatt had an appointment.  I am constantly overwhelmed with the lack of AJ's tuition.  As it sets now he can go back this semester...but I have no idea what will happen after that.  Through my eyes it looks impossible.  He seems to believe that this is where God wants him and it will somehow work out.  Faith...where is mine?
I have thrown myself into homemaking.  Working round the clock to bless my family...Trying to make Doug's time at home pleasant...somehow I think I am losing myself along the way. Friends are scarce...Either working or busing themselves with summer activities...I'm much to old to feel this insecure..

Sweet Escape

"The Sweet Escape"
 

If I could escape I would but,
First of all, let me say
I must apologize for acting stank & treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favorite girl (forever), Perfectly together
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet, I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better, Tell me boy wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

I want to get away, to our sweet escape
I want to get away, yeah

You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint
Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me
I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me, wanna take you with me

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favorite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Songwriters: Stefani, Gwen; Thiam, Aliuane; Tuinfort,

Finally...

A place all my own...

Not that I am complaining, like most people I have shared a room with someone most of my life.  Starting with my sister, Karen and then my husband, Doug.  We still share our bedroom.  I needed my own space simply because my mate normally sleeps days, so if I forget to get something before he goes to sleep I either do without or quietly feel around in the dark to retrieve it.
I wish I would have thought of this sooner, then again, sooner would not have been the right time.  After moving Jesse into his playroom, I took possession of his original bedroom.  It is a tiny little room.  Maybe a bit bigger than a walk in closet, just enough room for my dressers, chair and bookcase...This morning it was wonderful to have full access to my things and to sit at my vanity and do my make up in my beautiful dressing room....get me a TV and a coffee maker and I might never leave....

My mom's dresser/vanity I left the matching piece in my sleeping quarters. There is still, this and that to finish, but I'm pretty pleased thus far.

I need to put the rest of my books away, 86 the lizard print curtain and repaint the bookcase. My stepfather built it for my mom a very long time ago.  Carpenter, he was not...

This little dresser was bought for AJ when he was a baby...it has gone through him and Wyatt.  When I can I will refinish it and give it some new hardware.  My friend Pri gave me a rug for this room.  It is too big so I replaced my living room one and hopefully my old one will fit.

Making Changes

This is our Den...loving referred to as the blue livingroom or the play room.  Since Jesse spends 70% of his time in there I decided it should be his bedroom

All piled up so I could steam the carpet

All my books and  fireplace cover that was never attached

he loves the space

After my 72 hour journey to make this Jesse's room...first to go was the dilapidated couch

This poor wardrobe is 15 years old...My mom bought it for Wyatt's baby shower...still hanging in there despite the abuse.

Moved the entertainment center and removed all my books from there. 

His bed fit perfectly in the little nook.

This is about 2x as big as his old room...maybe a bit more.  I replaced the fire place cover with a baby gate, moved down his dressers too

Got 2 new fish and a hatching dino.

I didn't plan on buying this for him, but he wanted it so bad.  He benefited from my bottle return.

Next project is a dressing room for me....It will be nice to have full access to my things....

When Toys Attack....

Zoobles are cute little toys that when closed they turn into a perfect little ball and they are spring action when you touch their little bottoms to something metal they pop to life.  Last night my youngest son, Jesse, somehow closed one on his upper eyelid.  He came to me crying as any three year old would and I was somewhere between panicked and amused. After about 2 minutes of trying to avoid laughter and to find something metal, I used a tiny paring knife that made the darn thing open and release his lid.... I wish I would have gotten a picture....but he was in pain and the top priority was to relieve that.
It is funny to thing, if it had been 17 years ago I would have most likely taken him to the ER. I am so thankful for my older sons who pretty much paved the way for my raising Jesse...My years of service as a practical nurse for my 20 and 14 year old kept me calm and I was able to rescue my son from the feared and dreaded Zooble attack.

Time Warp Wife

This is a blog that I stumbled upon a few days ago...very good...

Time Warp Wife

^{Colossians 3
23} Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. ²⁴ Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.^{[e] 25} But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.

This scripture came to mind as I, once again, cleaned up the kitchen and entertained Jesse while the others sat on their backsides watching Dr. Who...
I get down on myself and my life so often.  It can be a difficult walk, doing most things on my own...but then this verse came to mind and I realized I need to do my chores and house hold duties including loving my family and raising Jesse as a labor for the Lord....Especially on the nights is not easy...

My Corner of the World

,,,

Our Beautiful Country Home

Fawn Right Outside Our Dining Window

Lily

Poppies

Woods

Yesterday's Work

Lots of Brush

Wild Berries I Discovered Behind the Brush

Rose Needs Tending

Side Yard...I Weeded and Mulched

Weeded the Hosta, Cleared the Fence Line and Mulched

Cleared the Front Yard and Woods by the Road

Lots of Room for Boys to Grow