Uncertainty

I have been attending church without my husband for over eighteen years.  I have had moments of desperation watching families worship together. I have prayed for and had people pray for him to find his seat in the pew next to me with our children next to us.  I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter whether or not he chooses to get up and join the congregation on Sunday morning.  That is really a personal issue between him and his lord. Watching his life, his devotion to and faith in God is something to be envied. Over the past few years I have seen enough to realize that having a beautiful loving partner in my life is so much better than having the picture perfect family for the church directory.
Looking back over my 18 year Christian walk I have seen disrespect, selfish spouses, adultery (in all definitions), abuse, uncontrolled lust, greed, uncompensated labor and major hair splinting on issues concerning morality, all within church communities.  Everyone has their "skeletons to hide".  I too am overcoming situations that I wish I would have handled differently.
I have been a member of two congregations. Pastor's Dan and Carla Patrick (Carrollton Georgia)  and Pastor's John and Kristy Camp (Eaton New York) and they are extraordinary people that I love and respect very much. I am not directing my accounts to either congregation's leadership. I think the whole point of this statement is church is not what makes one good.  Everyone who has taken a breath has to realize the only good in us is Jesus.
My husband is a good man. He shows integrity in his every day life.  Loving husband, excellent father, a reliable employee, compassionate and generous. Anyone would be lucky to be considered his friend.  He is saved by grace, has a wondrous faith, but for whatever his reasoning does not have any interest in attending church. To be honest I am wondering the value in it as well.
I have a desire to be a good person, the wife he deserves, the mother the boys need.  I want a relationship that is uncommon with the Lord.