Get a Life Already!

Not my Bakery

I very close friend asked me to play a game with her called Bakery Story.  I hesitated to do so mainly because I am a recovering Mafia War addict and I know from experience how something that appears to be so simple has the ability to consume large quantities of my time.  I reluctantly chose to get the app and make her my neighbor.  Here I sit on level 41 with 50 some neighbors a number of stoves cooing continuously to feed all the imaginary people who wonder through my doors (yes, I added a second door and cash register to accommodate the flow of traffic). One of the last things I do at night is start my food for the next day.  Carefully calculating cooking time so it is ready without any spoilage when I rise. On the flip side I find one of the first things I do in the morning is going into my bakery and serving up the food before it gathers flies...
This evening I received a message on my bakery wall (from someone I must have neighbor requested) telling me she is only friends with a person who can meet her demands. What she called a quality neighbor...
1. To tip and gift daily
2. To fill requests for building materials
3. You must write on her wall daily.
I thought that was rather strange and replied that I do 2 out of three...I regularly practice rule 1 and 2 but with over 50 neighbors I don't have the time to post notes to every wall.  That is what the news board is for to see who gifted and tipped you...
I got a few replies from her basically telling me that she too has over 50 neighbors and she makes it a point to not only note her neighbors but anyone who visits her bakery.  I have come to the conclusion that she is A) a 11 year old whose whole life is wrapped up in a Storm8 game. B) She don't have the responsibilities that I do as a homemaker, wife and mother. Or, C) She is just crazy.
Whatever the reasons her heart or her shoes I don't think I am going to lose sleep over being a subpar Bakery Story player...
After writing this last night I have chosen to give up both games....hoping to devote that time to something that matters...

It's Not Supposed to Be That Way

By Waylon Jennings

It's not supposed to be that way 

you're supposed to know I love you

But it don't matter anyway if I can't be there to control you

And like the other little children you're gonna dream a dream or two

But be careful what you're dreamin' or soon your dreams'll be dreamin' you

It's not supposed to be that way you're supposed to know I love you

But it don't matter anyway if I can't be there to console you

You go out to play this evenin' play with fire flies till they're goneThen you rush to meet your lover play with real fire till the dawn

It's not supposed to be that way...

you're supposed to know I love you

But it don't matter anyway if I can't be there to control you

Song Performed By Willie Nelson

Happy Birthday AJ

...Today marks the birth of my eldest son, AJ.  He was born at 2:30 pm on Easter Sunday 1992.

Words cannot describe how proud I am of him and how much I cherish him.

Happy Birthday Al Jay

Although you are 21 and I am no longer liable for you legally...I hope you know I'll always have your back...

A Biker and a Housewife Walk Into a Bar.....

Wait...you probably heard that one already....

The writers of this show (sons of anarchy) have given Jax a strange sensitivity that I believe many people have in common. Often the opening monologue has something I can relate to, this one in particular.

"It's hard not to hate. People, things, institutions. They break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate is the only thing that makes sense. But I know what hate does to a man: tears him apart, turns him into something he's not -- something he promised himself he'd never become. That's what I need to tell you: To let you know how hard I'm trying not to cave under the weight of all the awful things I feel in my heart. Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act, what I feel slamming up against what I should do. Impulsive reactions, racing to solutions, miles ahead of my brain. When I look at my day, I realize that most of it was spent cleaning up the damage of the day before. In that life, I have no future. All I have is distraction. I buried my best friend three days ago, and as cliché as this sounds, I left a part of me in that box -- a part I barely knew, a part I'll never see again. Every day is a new box, boys. You open it, you take a look at what's inside. You're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin."
— Jackson Teller
Sons of Anarchy, Orca Shrugged

Can You See Me Now?

I think having poor vision is just a human condition whether it has to do with physical eyesight or a life style of poor choices.
Recently I bought a new pair of glasses and the last few weeks of wearing them I realize I really can't see very well.   Out of frustration and literally looking down my nose to see my computer, I pulled my old pair out of hiding and wallah I can see.  I do have a recheck appointment when I take my little one for his eye exam.

As for poor judgement, yea, I have had that too.  They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but for me I seem to learn something new about myself everyday.  Things I want to change, things I need to change and things I do not have the power to change.  I need to modify how I spend my time.  I need less time the on computer and more with Jesse.  He starts pre k in the fall and our leisurely days will be at an end. Having a son about to turn 21 and a younger one just turned 15 in January, I know all to well how time with my children evaporates like a summer rain puddle.

I have discovered how important love is.  How much I love my family and how much I need their love in return. I have spent the last 10 years searching for love that I lost when I left Georgia and after I buried my mom.  I guess you could say I looked for a surrogate family in all the right places, but my expectations were not met not even by my husbands family.  I have finally resigned to the fact that kin is kin and friends are friends.  You can love them as part of your family but that doesn't mean you will be loved back...I have my husband who has shown his love true, my sons who have so much of my heart I am surprised there is anything left to give, my sibs in Georgia we always have each others backs and there is few greater feelings than to know you are loved unconditionally by someone you have known your entire life.

As for me, my mission is love.  I want to love generously and without prejudice.  There are plenty of opportunities to reach out to the lonely everywhere in the world, but there seems to be a special darkness over Central New York unlike anything I have felt before.  I don't understand why I am here...but it's time to stop longing and bloom right here where I am planted.

Human

By Manafest

Hey, I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down, yeah
Beside myself, living in a cold cell
Don’t shut me out

Yeah, you look at me like I’m a stranger
Yeah, you make me feel like I betrayed you
Don’t leave me stranded,
As I reach out my hand

'Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I’ll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I’ve made

I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down
But life keeps on moving
By now you should know

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey

Hey, got any grace for a failure?
'Cause I’m feeling like I failed you
Yeah, I lashed out, digging up my past
O, I know let you down, yeah
O, I’m still fighting for the future
Yeah, 'cause I never wanna lose you

I’ll keep on climbing
If you’re on my side

'Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I’ll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I’ve made

I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down
But life keeps on moving
By now you should know

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey

I know I’m breaking your heart
Every storm that tears us apart
I know I’m to blame for all the damage
I’ve done

But you know that I’m ready to take the fall

I never said I was angel
I never said I wouldn’t break down

'Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I’ll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I’ve made

I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down
But life keeps on moving
By now you should know

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human

VIDEO

Rough Day

I have a condition PMDD. That is Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. All of a sudden I feel extreme anxiety, hopeless feelings, at times paranoid and overwhelming depressed (among other things). Daily activities that I normally would breeze through take more time and organizing if not impossible to accomplish due to lack of concentration. My doctor prescribed a low dose of Zoloft a week before my cycle to manage the symptoms. But when I get busy and don't mark the calendar I am usually symptomatic and in distress before I realize...and have that ah ha moment. So tonight I'll pop a pill and will continue for the next several days. It amazingly works well. When I do it right the hormone change is seamless. If you are my friend (after a bout with this and you stick around you are a devoted friend)and you see me suddenly get saddened or quickly changing in mood....Gently remind me...Sheron, you need to check the calendar.