Can You See Me Now?

I think having poor vision is just a human condition whether it has to do with physical eyesight or a life style of poor choices.
Recently I bought a new pair of glasses and the last few weeks of wearing them I realize I really can't see very well.   Out of frustration and literally looking down my nose to see my computer, I pulled my old pair out of hiding and wallah I can see.  I do have a recheck appointment when I take my little one for his eye exam.

As for poor judgement, yea, I have had that too.  They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but for me I seem to learn something new about myself everyday.  Things I want to change, things I need to change and things I do not have the power to change.  I need to modify how I spend my time.  I need less time the on computer and more with Jesse.  He starts pre k in the fall and our leisurely days will be at an end. Having a son about to turn 21 and a younger one just turned 15 in January, I know all to well how time with my children evaporates like a summer rain puddle.

I have discovered how important love is.  How much I love my family and how much I need their love in return. I have spent the last 10 years searching for love that I lost when I left Georgia and after I buried my mom.  I guess you could say I looked for a surrogate family in all the right places, but my expectations were not met not even by my husbands family.  I have finally resigned to the fact that kin is kin and friends are friends.  You can love them as part of your family but that doesn't mean you will be loved back...I have my husband who has shown his love true, my sons who have so much of my heart I am surprised there is anything left to give, my sibs in Georgia we always have each others backs and there is few greater feelings than to know you are loved unconditionally by someone you have known your entire life.

As for me, my mission is love.  I want to love generously and without prejudice.  There are plenty of opportunities to reach out to the lonely everywhere in the world, but there seems to be a special darkness over Central New York unlike anything I have felt before.  I don't understand why I am here...but it's time to stop longing and bloom right here where I am planted.