A Biker and a Housewife Walk Into a Bar.....

Wait...you probably heard that one already....

The writers of this show (sons of anarchy) have given Jax a strange sensitivity that I believe many people have in common. Often the opening monologue has something I can relate to, this one in particular.

"It's hard not to hate. People, things, institutions. They break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate is the only thing that makes sense. But I know what hate does to a man: tears him apart, turns him into something he's not -- something he promised himself he'd never become. That's what I need to tell you: To let you know how hard I'm trying not to cave under the weight of all the awful things I feel in my heart. Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act, what I feel slamming up against what I should do. Impulsive reactions, racing to solutions, miles ahead of my brain. When I look at my day, I realize that most of it was spent cleaning up the damage of the day before. In that life, I have no future. All I have is distraction. I buried my best friend three days ago, and as cliché as this sounds, I left a part of me in that box -- a part I barely knew, a part I'll never see again. Every day is a new box, boys. You open it, you take a look at what's inside. You're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin."
— Jackson Teller
Sons of Anarchy, Orca Shrugged

Can You See Me Now?

I think having poor vision is just a human condition whether it has to do with physical eyesight or a life style of poor choices.
Recently I bought a new pair of glasses and the last few weeks of wearing them I realize I really can't see very well.   Out of frustration and literally looking down my nose to see my computer, I pulled my old pair out of hiding and wallah I can see.  I do have a recheck appointment when I take my little one for his eye exam.

As for poor judgement, yea, I have had that too.  They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but for me I seem to learn something new about myself everyday.  Things I want to change, things I need to change and things I do not have the power to change.  I need to modify how I spend my time.  I need less time the on computer and more with Jesse.  He starts pre k in the fall and our leisurely days will be at an end. Having a son about to turn 21 and a younger one just turned 15 in January, I know all to well how time with my children evaporates like a summer rain puddle.

I have discovered how important love is.  How much I love my family and how much I need their love in return. I have spent the last 10 years searching for love that I lost when I left Georgia and after I buried my mom.  I guess you could say I looked for a surrogate family in all the right places, but my expectations were not met not even by my husbands family.  I have finally resigned to the fact that kin is kin and friends are friends.  You can love them as part of your family but that doesn't mean you will be loved back...I have my husband who has shown his love true, my sons who have so much of my heart I am surprised there is anything left to give, my sibs in Georgia we always have each others backs and there is few greater feelings than to know you are loved unconditionally by someone you have known your entire life.

As for me, my mission is love.  I want to love generously and without prejudice.  There are plenty of opportunities to reach out to the lonely everywhere in the world, but there seems to be a special darkness over Central New York unlike anything I have felt before.  I don't understand why I am here...but it's time to stop longing and bloom right here where I am planted.

Human

By Manafest

Hey, I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down, yeah
Beside myself, living in a cold cell
Don’t shut me out

Yeah, you look at me like I’m a stranger
Yeah, you make me feel like I betrayed you
Don’t leave me stranded,
As I reach out my hand

'Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I’ll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I’ve made

I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down
But life keeps on moving
By now you should know

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey

Hey, got any grace for a failure?
'Cause I’m feeling like I failed you
Yeah, I lashed out, digging up my past
O, I know let you down, yeah
O, I’m still fighting for the future
Yeah, 'cause I never wanna lose you

I’ll keep on climbing
If you’re on my side

'Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I’ll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I’ve made

I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down
But life keeps on moving
By now you should know

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey

I know I’m breaking your heart
Every storm that tears us apart
I know I’m to blame for all the damage
I’ve done

But you know that I’m ready to take the fall

I never said I was angel
I never said I wouldn’t break down

'Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I’ll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I’ve made

I never said I was an angel, no
I never said I wouldn’t break down
But life keeps on moving
By now you should know

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey

I’m only human
Hey, hey, hey
I’m only human

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Rough Day

I have a condition PMDD. That is Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. All of a sudden I feel extreme anxiety, hopeless feelings, at times paranoid and overwhelming depressed (among other things). Daily activities that I normally would breeze through take more time and organizing if not impossible to accomplish due to lack of concentration. My doctor prescribed a low dose of Zoloft a week before my cycle to manage the symptoms. But when I get busy and don't mark the calendar I am usually symptomatic and in distress before I realize...and have that ah ha moment. So tonight I'll pop a pill and will continue for the next several days. It amazingly works well. When I do it right the hormone change is seamless. If you are my friend (after a bout with this and you stick around you are a devoted friend)and you see me suddenly get saddened or quickly changing in mood....Gently remind me...Sheron, you need to check the calendar.

Turning 50...

On Resurrection Sunday....

Easter is by far my favorite holiday.  Everything here was close to perfect.  Gifts I feared would not arrive on time did. On Friday with the help of Wyatt and Jesse we dyed our Easter eggs and I prepared my older sons gifts..I use gift bags for them.  Saturday I baked a coconut cake and expertly cleaned the kitchen.  Jesse woke me at 2:30 with a stomach bug (that was the not so perfect part). Sunday morning I did flags, in uniform, first time in close to a year.  My eldest played acoustic guitar and co lead worship.   I left church after worship to be home with Jes.

My beautiful sister, Karen with my younger sons, Jesse and Wyatt
in February  when her and Bill came to visit us.

Easter was also my beloved sister's fiftieth birthday.  Boy was she flipping out.  Here it is the day after and she survived.  I wish I could have flown home to see her. Having older siblings is cool (now that I am grown up).  When I was young the two if them getting to do everything before me was frustrating, but now we are on the same playing field although I will always be the baby. Bill is 55 and Karen 50. In a few years they can reassure me that 50 is okay.  It will be a blessing for me to reach that milestone cancer free.

Wyatt

AJ

Jesse

Only a Boy Named David

Today is David Thomas's birthday.  As a friend and church member I miss him terribly.  The past week I have been in intercession for his family. It was a tragic loss...too young, too soon.  Love you boy...always will.

June 14, 2011
 Only a Boy Named David
 By Rachel Brown

A Year and 2 days ago, I got a text message from my brother, David, to pray. It is hard to grasp that David T. Camp left this world almost a year ago, but the events of June 2010 changed my life forever.

Here is an excerpt from what I wrote three days after David Camp was called home to the Lord:

On Weds. June 16,2010 at 2:47pm I received a Text message from my youngest brother who is an EMT saying that someone we know was badly injured in a Car wreck. being Human, a part of me immediately started to worry as my mind raced as to who it could be, but  also began to pray. I prayed for whoever it might be, and I began to pray for my brother. As I prayed, my sister called me and told me who ….David Camp, the Youngest son of the Pastors of my family’s church in Upstate NY, and a close friend of our Brother’s. It is no coincidence to me that BOTH of the young men I was praying for that Day are named David…One was fighting for His life…and one fighting to save His life. As I Prayed, the story of David and Goliath came to mind. (You can read the full post HERE )

The song I Kept hearing as I prayed a year ago, came to mind again today as I read my brother’s status on Facebook…..

“a year ago today, things were normal, a year and 2 days, the tones drop for an mva, and there’s no going back. you are missed DTC, you may be gone from this earth, but you roll on every call I go on bro”

Only a Boy Named David

“Only a boy named David
 Only a little sling
 Only a boy named David
 But he could pray and sing
 Only a boy named David
 Only a rippling brook
 Only a boy named David
 But five little stones he took.

 And one little stone went in the sling
 And the sling went round and round
 And one little stone went in the sling
 And the sling went round and round
 And round and round
 And round and round
 And round and round and round
 And one little stone went up in the air
 And the giant came tumbling down.”

Video: Only a Boy Named David

I am quite certain that when my Brother started the Pray for David Camp Group on Facebook a year ago, he had NO Idea the impact it would have, that over 7,000 people from all over the world would come together, whether they knew David Camp or not, and stand in the Gap for the Camp Family. The Impact stretched from the USA, to Rwanda, to China, to Kuwait, all over the world; We saw lives changed, Faith restored, Relationships mended. Ultimately God gets the Glory, but he used two young men named David to Rock the world, He continues to use these two young men in ways NONE of us ever could have dreamed. One of them still walks among us, serving as an EMT. The other is dancing in Heaven, but His life-song lives on here on earth.

David Thomas 1989-2010

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)





Source:
Rachel Brown 
Foot Prints in Time

Speaks Volumes

Worn

Tenth Avenue North

I'm tired, I'm worn

 My heart is heavy

 From the work it takes

 To keep on breathing

 I've made mistakes

 I've let my hope fail

 My soul feels crushed

 By the weight of this world

 And I know that You can give me rest

 So I cry out with all that I have left

 Let me see redemption win

 Let me know the struggle ends

 That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 I'm tired, I'm worn

 My heart is heavy

 From the work it takes

 To keep on breathing

 I've made mistakes

 I've let my hope fail

 My soul feels crushed

 By the weight of this world

 And I know that You can give me rest

 So I cry out with all that I have left

 Let me see redemption win

 Let me know the struggle ends

 That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 I wanna know a song can rise

 From the ashes of a broken life

 And all that's dead inside can be reborn

 ‘Cause I'm worn

 I know I need

 To lift my eyes up

 But I'm too weak

 Life just won't let up

 And I know that You can give me rest

 So I cry out with all that I have left

 Let me see redemption win

 Let me know the struggle ends

 That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 I'm tired, I'm worn

 My heart is heavy

 From the work it takes

 To keep on breathing

 I've made mistakes

 I've let my hope fail

 My soul feels crushed

 By the weight of this world

 And I know that You can give me rest

 So I cry out with all that I have left

 Let me see redemption win

 Let me know the struggle ends

 That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 I wanna know a song can rise

 From the ashes of a broken life

 And all that's dead inside can be reborn

 ‘Cause I'm worn

 I'm tired, I'm worn

 My heart is heavy

 From the work it takes

 To keep on breathing

 I've made mistakes

 I've let my hope fail

 My soul feels crushed

 By the weight of this world

 And I know that You can give me rest

 So I cry out with all that I have left

 Let me see redemption win

 Let me know the struggle ends

 That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 I wanna know a song can rise

 From the ashes of a broken life

 And all that's dead inside can be reborn

 ‘Cause I'm worn

 I know I need

 To lift my eyes up

 But I'm too weak

 Life just won't let up

 And I know that You can give me rest

 So I cry out with all that I have left

 My prayers are wearing thin

 I'm worn

 Even before the day begins

 I'm worn

 I've lost my will to fight

 I'm worn

 So Heaven come and flood my eyes

 Let me see redemption win

 Let me know the struggle ends

 That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

 I wanna know a song can rise

 From the ashes of a broken life

 And all that's dead inside can be reborn

 ‘Cause I'm worn

 Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn

 Though, I'm worn

 I'm worn

 ~Tenth Avenue North

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