Last night as I was cutting our grass it dawned on me that I am not a happy person. I can't remember the last time I was happy.... Was it before the relocation to NY in 2000? Was it before the death of my mother in 2002? Was it before the economy went to hell? I honestly cannot remember when I was happy. There has been joy and happy times. We as a family have been greatly blessed. Maybe there is not real sense of happiness? Maybe the happy moments and times of joy is our happiness?
No, I think happy is suppose to be in the background running like a hidden program on our computer....I think that since of happy is what keeps us sane in our hard times. If that theory is true, where is my happy? Where do I find it? How do I get it going again?
As I end this post I want to make it clear that I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I am in a stable and most of the time can be considered a good marriage. I have been with the same man, Doug, since I was 18...we were married shortly after my 19th birthday. We have three sons scattered through the years. AJ is 22, Wyatt is 16 and Jesse is 5. We have a nice home, decent vehicles and occupations. We have everything we need (for the most part)...our biggest struggle is debt. We just about get debt free and something happens...big things happen that puts us either back in debt or further in it. That is where my part time jobs come in. I am grateful to have employment especially since it (in theory) should't take away from time with my younger boys.
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