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| Love is the only thing keeping me here.... |
It is the end of March and there is still snow on the ground....It doesn't feel like this winter will ever end. But doesn't it feel that way with every trial? And yes I conciser a five plus month winter a trial.
I am finally able to get my bearings and move on from a most heartbreaking situation. I think anytime a relationship ends, no matter the ending it takes time to recover. I believe I have been through every stage of grief more than once...It has been about 8 months since my friend, someone I loved dearly, closed the door on our friendship and it is a little shy of that since I left the church I made my home for almost 10 years. My Jesse was crushed by it all. And I hope he is finally satisfied with my explanations and will stop asking to go see his friend and asking why we can't go back to the old church. But God is good and always faithful and we are happily planted at a church in Oneida. He loves the kids church and is making new friends. The only draw back is Oneida is about a half hour away and it makes it difficult to participate in much more than Sunday Services although I have joined the Mom's group on Tuesday. Jesse is very happy with getting to go play with Elijah every week. I suppose it is true that everything happens for a reason and if we are lucky one day we will be able to understand why these things occurred.
I was present when my father in law left this world a little over a month ago. It is a loss that will not be overcome very easily.
For the last three weeks I have been battling a viral lung infection. I cannot remember a time that I was sicker, not being able to breath, sleeping most of the day and not sleeping more than a few hours at night. I think I am at the end of it...I had energy this afternoon I have not had in weeks....Just another trial that I pray it will make me stronger in the end...You know one would think at my age I could stop growing...but I suppose as long as you draw breath there will be change and there will be personal growth. I know I personally desire a relationship with God more these days than I have in a very long time.
I feel sad and lonely tonight. The older boys are gone wherever older boys go when not at home and Doug is with his mom. Jesse is watching TV and I'm piddling around the house trying to get some things caught up. It is terribly dusty and is in the need of a spring cleaning. Hoping tomorrow I can open the windows and let out this stale winter air...Spring! It has to come soon....
The Story
Brandi Carlile
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you
I climbed across the mountaintops
swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do, I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through
Like you do, and I was made for you
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
Oh but these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you
Oh yeah, well it's true that I was made for you
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