I think part of the reason I have been so frustrated with AJ these last few weeks was a way for me to guard my heart from feeling what I feel as I am trying to help him succeed. It is very difficult for me to find my place in the life of my eldest son. He is in Lima this weekend at a conference and of course enjoying his Elim friends. Doug and I were not going to let him go but decided that he is old enough and responsible enough to take my car and be on his own.... I was sad all day yesterday....wishing this time didn't slip away so fast. Wyatt is a lot of help. Only fourteen he is still young and sweet and I am cherishing the time I have him as my own. Jesse is my biggest comfort....I look at him and I am reminded of the beautiful memories I have of AJ when he was little...not that I don't adore Jesse for who he is.
My sons. I am their first love, I gave them their first kiss and mine was the first hand that they held. I knew going into this motherhood, that the ultimate goal was to see them become independent men....What a blessing to see AJ become his own person. I just never knew how heart breaking it would be.
Father please show me how to be a mother to a young adult son. Whisper to me when to let go and when it is okay to be a mom...I gave him to you when he was two and I need your help through this transition. Please keep your hand on him.
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