Just the Beginning

AJ in Scotland

Unless you have walked through your child leaving home, there is no way to understand the diversity of feeling a parent can go through. And I believe it is as strong of a loss for a father, but the mother really feels it.
I am so happy AJ is pursing the relationship with the Lord, education and path he desires, but I also feel a great deal of loss, stress, pain and general anxiety over it.  He has left, an adult now.  Where do I fit in? He no longer desires my attention or company.  How do I treat my baby as an adult?  How will our relationship differ when he comes home for a visit? On breaks? Will he come home after he finishes his education or enter the mission field for at least nine months?
This is different than any other milestone in his young adult life.  Getting his license, turning of age, missions trips, graduating or his first full time job.  None of these things even come close to the feeling of leaving your son and allowing him to pursue his own life away you. I know all the milestones from his first step to his graduation were all part of the grand plan to ease his passing from my child to his own person and vice versa.
I am in the middle of a heart ache I don't know how I am suppose to feel.  I am in a sense of morning. I'm happy with my life, husband and the other two beauties I have left home, but I miss my boy.  I guess I always will because he is not a boy anymore.  He is a man and he is smart, brave and beautiful. And the one thing I know for sure he will fly just fine.