Presumed Dead

Two of our hens have been missing for about 5 days.  They have not wandered to the neighboring flocks and I have not found any clues to their whereabouts.  I am very sad...one of them was a chick we hatched in a homemade incubator the other was one of my reds which was bought as a fuzzball chick only a week or so older than Bennett.
I do still have five left and they are so funny.  They respond to me much like a canine. I am suppose to go by Irene's farm and pick up two little black chicks to add back to my flock.

Supper

Spaghetti with Garlic, Olive Oil and Red Pepper Flakes

I got this recipe from Doug's Everyday Italian cookbook.  Of course I can't leave well enough alone so I had to leave in the garlic pieces and add sauteed onions, lemon Pepper and shredded chicken.  It was really delicious...if AJ had already eaten and Doug didn't need a lunch for work I would have polished it off....I guess my hips should be thankful I had to share....

Ingredients

• 1 pound dried spaghetti
• 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 garlic cloves, peeled
• 1 tablespoon red pepper flakes, plus more if desired
• 1/4 cup chopped Italian flat-leaf parsley
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil leaves
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh mint leaves

Directions

In a large pot, bring to a boil 6 quarts of salted water. Add pasta and cook until al dente, about 6 to 8 minutes. Drain pasta in a colander, reserving 2 tablespoons of the pasta water. The reserved pasta water will help create the sauce. Do not rinse pasta with water -- you want to retain the pasta's natural starches so that the sauce will stick.

In a large saute pan, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until light brown and fragrant. It's important not too burn the garlic or else it will become bitter. Remove and discard the browned garlic. Add the red pepper flakes and saute for 1 minute. Carefully add the reserved pasta water and stir to combine. Place the spaghetti into the pan and mix well for 1 minute.
Remove pan from heat and top with fresh herbs.

Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis

Overwhelmed....

Some pain no one sees....

I was at my wits end with my boys.  I have tried everything...including begging, threatening and offering rewards, yet getting them to help around the house was futile. It had gotten to the point that I was picking up after them...at 20 and 14 there is absolutely ridiculous on their part as well as mine.  I cannot be a doormat if I don't lay down. After another frustrated and hurt weekend I decided it was time for a change.  I have to stop worrying about making them unhappy and enforce some boundaries.  I understand that AJ's job is very physically demanding, so I will try keep what I ask from him to a minimum. I had another talk with them and even though, at this point I have to stay on top of them, they have been picking up behind themselves. Tonight they helped me make supper and Wyatt willingly offered to help clean up after we ate.  Encouragement and guidance, I know it is something that I have to continue.  If I quit they will quit.  But it was nice today to feel like a mother instead of a servant.

Out of frustration I wrote this on Facebook Saturday night:
Welcome to the Sher-a-don Inn...I hope your stay here is pleasant. There is free shuttle service and as well as vehicles available to borrow...My occupants receive free room and board, hot meals, maid service all performed by yours truly, the co owner, operator, cook, maid, zoo and grounds keeper. 
 I think I should check in, I could use a rest....oh but if I did who would do all the work???

Second post I wrote Sunday night after anxiety medicine kicked in and I took a long nap.  Funny how much better things look after a nap...and modern pharmaceuticals

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” ~Reba McEntire
Time for me to take this advise...although a wishbone won't help much...been trying that far too long...but I can grow a backbone and close down the Sher-a-don Inn even if it makes me less than popular and insist on help...and use the funny bone when things gets too overwhelming like yesterday and today...
Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Is everything perfect? Well no, but at least I no longer wish to run away from home... it is weird how different things look when I am seeing them through a sound mind....Do I truly desire to leave? Probably not, I can't be away from my kids a day without missing them....and what would I run to? A nowhere job and an empty apartment? Sometimes freedom looks great, but one must remember that everything comes with a cost...

Vulnerability

Over the last decade or so, I have worked on my attitude...somewhat for survival due to my move to New York and out of my comfort zone with my circle of friends including immediate family.  The last few years I have become more open than ever.  I have to admit that it frightens me to have lowered protective walls and allowed so many people into my heart.  Today I feel especially vulnerable, like a turtle without a shell, exposed with nothing to shelter me.

Three Amigos

My friendship with Paula Welsh and Irene Grabiec has lasted the test of time.  Eleven years with Paula and 10 with Irene.  We have seen each other through everything.  Shared birth and death, sickness and health, laughter and tears (sometimes at the same time).  We watched our children play and grow up together, spouses age, supported life changes and the occasional mistakes. Time nor miles apart has had any effect on out attachment. I can not think of any friend that I love and admire as much as them.  My life has been touched and blessed by their companionship. Looking forward to another decade of friendship.

US Army

Good Luck Alec...I am so proud of you...

One of my closest friend's younger son left Syracuse this morning for the Army.  Paula was my first friend in NY and I have known Alec since he was 7.  Even  though he is about 15 months AJ's junior, the boys shared many good times together and for years I had Alec here for day visits as well as sleepovers.  He has always been mischievous and adventurous.  I still have remainders of forts built by Alec in our woods.  I cannot count the times I had to scold him for using fire crackers while Doug was sleeping and he has been known to bring over a homemade grenade.  I learned the hard way to shake him down upon arrival.  The hours spent with AJ (and Wyatt tagging along) playing GI Joe action figures and toy guns scattered all over the yard or house depending on the weather are priceless. I find memories of Alec extremely entertaining.  If anyone was born for the Army it was him. The past few years he has gotten into a little bit of trouble.  Seeing him join  the military is bitter sweet.  Of course as a second mom I worry about his safety, but at the same time grateful he is taking control of his future....
This weekend Irene and I are meeting Paula for dinner.  I evening of girl time to comfort a friend that has  another child leaving the nest.  I know how hard it was for me to see AJ off to college....I cannot imagine seeing a plane leave for Oklahoma carrying my baby to the Army....Irene and I will see her through this tough transition.

Relay for Life

Opening Lap, because I was not speaking until 6:30 and I had Jesse along side, I was not there for the opening

This weekend Madison County hosted the annual Relay for Life Rally at the Oneida High School. One of my best friends, Heather, works for Bridges and had a Reality Check Booth at the Rally as well as served on the American Cancer Society committee.  She asked me to speak at this years rally.  I was very uncertain, but chose to participate.  I was nervous to say the least, but I have learned along the years that pushing through fear, brings personal growth. I gave a very short speech (while doing it it felt like a very long speech). After completing my draft I was asked to incorporated services I received from ACS... I still only had to write it twice. Jesse accompanied me and Heather kept an eye on him while I did my part. I stumbled a couple of times, but was quick to recover. The following is my speech. Although it looks incredibly long, in reality it took about 7 minutes to complete.

Hi…My name is Sheron… I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend as well as a cancer survivor.  I am sure I would have much in common with some of you…But there one connection we all share…cancer…

You may be living through a personal battle or like me, sporting the scars from the fight for life that was won, possibly mourning a lost loved one, supporting a patient or hoping the best for someone you know that has been touched by this disease.  Cancer is no respecter of age, religion, gender or nationality.

My own illness was my second fight with the disease.  My first experience was being a caregiver to my mother.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2006.  As one can imagine, after losing my mom to lung cancer in 2002, my own diagnosis was surreal. 

My first recollected thought was survival. I made up my mind I was going to fight back in that battle. My husband, Doug and I have a good marriage and our sons AJ and Wyatt were only 14 and 8.  I had plenty of reasons I wanted to stay on this planet.  With my faith in God and my relationship with Jesus Christ I knew, that somehow, everything would be okay, that I would be restored. The only question remained was whether it was here or in Heaven.

My faith saw me through medical visits, tests, surgery and treatments. The love for my family kept me strong.  I found myself in the care of amazing medical professionals, loving family and supportive friends. My husband was my primary care giver and he stood by my side, played cards with me while chemotherapy was  being administered, helped with the household duties and  our children while holding a full time job. My sister, Karen took care of me from a thousand miles away as well as coming to my aide during radiation. My closest friend, Irene, pulled childcare duty for days on end when I chose to go out of state for internal radiation. My brother, Bill supported in his own way.  He had me covered in prayer VIA the internet all over the world. 
I feel I remained hopeful but yes, I did have my moments of doubt, crying in my husbands arms because the thought of leaving my boys broke my heart. 

Treatment was not all hardship.   It taught me how brave I can be. How much I love my family.  How great God really is.  I had so much support from my church family and friends. Even my employer at the time, Wal-mart, was understanding and accommodating.
I received help from medical specialists and the American Cancer Society.  My oncology office here in Oneida provided samples of medication I couldn’t afford as well as nursing staff strait from Heaven.  The American Cancer Society provided me with a wig that suited my personality and the Look Good Feel Better program was a lot of fun in a bad situation.  I was taught application tips to use make up to cover the effects of treatment, different ways to use scarves and how to make a tee shirt turban.  I left feeling like a queen for the day and a bag full of cosmetics.  I encourage you to take advantage of these and other services that is offered to you.

 The fight can be difficult and recovery can feel long but as you can see I made it through this trial and I stand before you as living proof that there is life after cancer. Not only am I living a full life with my husband and sons now 20 and 14, we welcomed a third blessing, Jesse William to our family on New Years Eve 2008.

I want to leave you with  my own personal reflections I could have been diagnosed six months earlier.  I don’t want to go into details of the medical mistake, but instead touch on the fact that if I would have been my own advocate my battle may have been less wearing on my body.  There is a great chance that the tumor would have been much smaller and relieving the need for chemotherapy. Fortunately, as the mass grew bigger, I sought a second opinion from my now primary care provider, Barbara Jeffers (who by the way is fabulous), she ordered a mammogram and I was quickly diagnosed and given a biopsy by Dr Spirt at Oneida Imaging. Please if you take nothing else from my experience remember to be your own advocate…( If you are a caregiver, you may have to be the one standing in the gap for the patient)…be strong and ask the questions. Please stand up for yourself, don’t ignore symptoms and never dismiss a growth.  You deserve the best medical care available and it is your right to expect and even insist on it.

Also I know first hand how isolating this illness can make you feel, even with the best care and the most amazing support.  As you walk through this time try to remember you are not alone, allow your friends and loved ones to care for you and support you in whatever way you need.

I also remember as caregiver having feelings of helplessness, stress and loneliness.  An illness such as this can bring forth many emotions…whether you are a caretaker or patient keep in mind that you are partners in this fight …

I want to say a personal thank you to the caregivers.  You are an irreplaceable partner in the life of your loved one.  You are amazing! To the Warriors I want to encourage you to continue to fight back with all you have in you. 
"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, fro a triple-braided cord is not easily broken" This is one of my favorite verses from the Bible and can be found in Ecclesiastes 4:12
Life is beautiful and meant to be cherished and enjoyed…I leave here thanking God for my health and my family and asking Him to go with you and yours. 

Jesse

Me and my constant (sometimes only) companion