Thursday, July 25, 2013

What Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger


….I guess that rides along side with what hurt we survive makes us a better person???


I don't know who came up with this stuff, but we all have been through things…just another cliche to get through life…

I have been through many hardships at a young age. I was not only abandoned by my dad but also my step father.   I was not even 27 when my formally estranged father died suddenly of congestive heart failure at the age of 56….just as we were getting to know each other again.  I was 33 when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer…she surveyed four months before she left the world…I was not brave enough to stay till the end.  Although I had made plans to journey back the 1000 miles between CNY and West Georgia, I went home for a funeral instead.  That is something I have to deal with almost daily. I was 34 and my beloved mother was only 62….Fortunately the death of our mother brought me and my siblings even closer.
The move to NY in 2000 was devastating to me and my young sons but God sent me an angel by the name of Paula Welsh that made the transition easier… I thought I was gaining a family in my in laws but instead I found even more loneliness….leaving me to search for love and acceptance through friends…trying to and failing at being grafted into "family" left me angry and envious….

I laid in bed this morning realizing how I must forgive the recent as well as the past transgressions in my life…one by one I got the faces into focus and through prayer I forgave each person and each incident….I think the latest punch in the stomach was the hardest to forgive, but I was successful and I have found it is not the hurt or the loss that in fact makes one stronger, it is the forgiveness we can give through the love of Christ.  Through him I can forgive and heal….including the things I have done to hurt myself…through him I can over come and become a healthier person, though him I can ask forgiveness for myself as well as the grace to forgive others….I'm not an angel….although I try to avoid it I know I have hurt others and I hope and pray I can also be forgiven for my transgressions.  We can go through heartache, pain and loss, but it has been my discovery it is not the situation, but the reaction that makes or brakes us...

Over my 13 years here I have gained a handful of close friends, lost a my relationship with Keri (although I believe it was Jesse she really loved and not necessarily me)…been hurt countless times by people who were suppose to care for me….I lost to death my two good friends…The Brawners….first Brother Jesse and a few years later Willie Jewel. Losing Willie was especially hard, she was like the church mom/grandmother. She was a gentle God fearing woman who found joy in instructing the younger generation…..she kept me covered in prayer even through my transition to New York until her death about 5 years ago….I am blessed with a few forever friends that live in Georgia.  My Pastor's wife Carla Patrick, my friends Ann Arnold and Marie Brock as well as my friend and little "brother" in Pennsylvania, Brian Smetana they will forever hold a place in my heart although absent from each other's day to day lives. My brother, Bill is to be married in October adding another sister in my life… 
I have also battled and won breast cancer, which opened a new chapter in my life adding a midlife child to our family, Jesse. He brings a special something that was missing although I wonder if he has ADD... I seen AJ grow into manhood....watched Wyatt as he became a wonderful teenager. And I am still married to the love love of my life…27 years and counting…living with him since he was 21 and we just celebrated his 50th birthday.  My Life…The Good, The Bad and The Ugly….I am grateful for everyday I have spent here on planet earth...

What a Difference

Four Years Makes....


When Jesse was about 6 months old we took the boys to Old Forge NY for a family get away...we returned this past July and had a wonderful time...a break our family needed...

Summer 2009

Summer 2013
As anyone can see my boys have grown up beautifully...Doug is virtually the same.....