Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Cakes Galore!

Fiesta Cake
Three layer chocolate cake with raspberry filling, buttercream frosting and fondant embellishments 

Fiesta Cup Cakes


I hope things keep going for me and my cake making.  I had two cake orders last weekend.  One for a Fiesta Cake and matching cupcakes and the other for a party horn cake.  Today I received a request for a monkey cake for a woman at my husbands work.  With every cake I learn something new.  Taking classes was a good fit for me.  I desire to learn more techniques such as carving and creating sculptured people and animals as well as perfecting existing skills.

Party Horn Birthday Cake

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Almost Me

Feeling a bit nostalgic these days...Where has it all gone?



Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husband's a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned 24.
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?

She was gonna be an actress
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of White Snake's car
Her yellow SUV is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing, has been...
all right since

Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
Cuz she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

She’s seen all the classics
She knows every line
"Breakfast Club", "Pretty In Pink"
Even "St. Elmo's Fire"
She rocked out to Wham!
Not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she'd get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran

Where's the mini-skirt made of snakeskin?
And who's the other guy that's singing in Van Halen?
When did reality become T.V.?
What ever happened to sitcoms, game shows,
on the radio was....

Springsteen, Madonna
way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
Cuz she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop, stop, STOP and bring back

Springsteen, Madonna
way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
Cuz she's still preoccupied
With 1985

Monday, November 28, 2011

Charmed Life



We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Starting Wednesday with Wyatt home from school.  Later that afternoon Doug brought AJ and his friend Chris home from Elim.  Thanksgiving day held a perfect turkey and more trimmings than I can name.  Doug's parents, brother and niece were here and brought their specialty dishes.


We shared more than food.  There was a wonderful family fellowship and Chris fit right in with our crazy family.  I had my son with me until Sunday night.  Doug drove him, Chris and Emily back  to Elim.  I am my happiest when my family is together.  Our home is homier with AJ home.  Even though it feels part of me is missing, I am as happy for our son as I am proud.  I wouldn't change this experience even if I could.
Monday morning came around and Wyatt is  back at school and Jesse and I are hanging out together.  We made paper snow flakes and got into a fight over me not wanting him to use scissors (we don't have any safety scissors).
As I gave thanks to God this weekend for my family, I had to ask why he didn't grant me a daughter?  Most of the time I don't think about it, bit in my heart I want a girl.  As much as I love my sons and wouldn't change having a single one, a part of me feels empty.  I didn't get an answer...but I was filled with utter joy when I looked at my beautiful 35 month old son sleeping in bed next to me.  He is my gift.  He will be with me long after Wyatt leaves for college.  By the time Jesse is ready to leave my nest, hopefully I will have grandchildren to enjoy.  No matter how I feel about my blessings, I know God is good and he gave me the children I was suppose to have.  I am choosing to stop longing for what I don't have and enjoy the wonders I do have....I am a very fortunate person and I have a very blessed life.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Thanksgiving



This November holds a special occasion for me.  It marks 5 years since my last radiation treatment and that concluded my cancer treatments.  I was at Cancer Treatment Centers of America the week before Thanksgiving The radiation I chose was invasive and took  five days of treatment 2 times a day. I did very well and and the Radiologist gave the okay for me to fly home early.  I was with my guys Thanksgiving day.  It  is common knowledge that getting to the five year mark is essential to beating cancer.  I was afflicted with a large tumor that didn't fit the "norms" of breast cancer.  After surgery, chemotherapy and internal radiation, I am alive and pretty healthy.  Blessed by the love of my family and friends.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Fun day

Jesse with author Rebecca King and her dog Shadow

Jesse and I went to Oriskany Falls Public Library yesterday for story hour.  There was a special guest. A local author Rebecca E.B. King.  She came and read her book Unji Finds a Friend. I bought a copy for Jesse and Zion.  She took the time to inscribe a personal message to each child. 
I decided to make a snack to share.  I made frosted sugar cookies with fall decor made from fondant.  The kids loved it and it lead to my first cake order.  Erica, the library manager, wants a Fiesta themed cake for her father's birthday.  That was a very nice surprise.  I am hoping through word of mouth I will continue to receive business. 
Jesse and myself are all about Autumn.  That is why we chose Fall themed cookies.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Oh Happiness!

Today I am happy.  No reason for it, I just feel satisfied in my life.  Yesterday Wyatt and I had a date.  We went to see the new Adam Sandler movie Jack and Jill.  It was rated PG and it had nothing in it that would embarrass me watching it with my 13 year old son.  After the movie we went to Wal-mart for groceries and bought Deathly Hallows Part 2.  This concludes the Harry Potter saga and although they messed a few important events up, it was very well done.  Most of the time being a book reader really messes the movies up for me.  I read the last Twilight book and can already see major discrepancies just from the preview.  I still plan to go see it hoping there is not too much artistic license taken.
I had a dentist appointment this morning and an eye appointment this afternoon.  I am hoping this is the last contact change.  He moved me to a Bausch and Lomb toric.  It seems to fit better and therefore I can see better.  Another appointment on Monday to check it and see if we have finally found a match for me....
Doug, Wyatt, Jesse and I had a yummy baked chicken supper with whole corn, winter squash and rice.  Doug has left for work and the boys and I are settling in for the evening.  Stinky Jesse needs a bath tonight.  I have been a bad mom and have not given him one this weekend.  What a blessing my lovely sons are.

Saturday, November 12, 2011



Dancing (living a life of optimism) is a choice or so one would believe.  I do well making the choice for a few weeks at a time and then whatever it is inside of me takes over and simply making it through a day is exhausting.  I am fighting for my life this week.  The depression and loneliness is raging.  I have a good life, I have a husband who loves me and sons who adore me.  I believe in Jesus and that he loves me.  Roof over my head, food in the cabinets, for the most past we are healthy.  What do I have to be sad about? Nothing I suppose, so feeling this way brings on a bit of guilt and confusion.  I have to wonder if I am really messes up or if everyone secretly feels this way.  Is this a normal human feeling and I am one of the few that wears my heart on my sleeve and allows my weaknesses to show?  Not that I want others to feel this way, but it would be nice to know if they do, that I am not alone. 

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Who Would Have Known?



Here I am a proud mother of an absolutely beautiful, smart and very head strong child.  Jesse will turn three December 31.  I feel he is a little a head of other kids his age.  Because his birthday is at the end of the year he will be year behind starting kindergarten at nearly 6 instead of five. Since he is ready and our local school is not Jesse and I have started our preschool at home.  I am blessed beyond measure to be able to spend everyday with amazing child. Who would have guessed I would be back here?

Fits and Giggles- Sticks and Stones
A Journey Through Preschool

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Wasted



I don't know why forgetting who I am is so easy.  I think in the last few days I have recounted every sin and mistake I have made since my first breath. Forgetting that they have been forgiven and forgotten by God.  I have wasted  more long weeks of my precious life flogging myself for failure, mistakes and bad judgement.  Of course it only brought pain, depression and separation from God. Finally I break through came and  my mind and spirit are once again at peace.  I totally get why they Bible instructs us not to worry (Luke 12:22-26 and Philippians 4:6-7).  My constant worry did nothing to fix any of the problems, it only caused more.  It made me doubt God, deepened my anxiety, allowed illness to linger, took days of joyful living away from me and robbed my children of the fun and affectionate mother they normally have in their lives. The only thing I know to do is to strive to stay in the presence of God where the truth is. In his presence I can stay alert and head off the enemy's attempt distract and accuse. I know I must be pretty weak minded to fall into the same trap repeatedly. For now I must stay close to the side of my PaPa and allow him to apply healing balm on me and take time to heal and strengthen in him

Sunday, November 6, 2011

To Much for Me

Surrendering in the Spirit is not giving up. It is realizing that I am not God, I am not the creator, I am the creature.  I am a creature living is a chaotic world trying my best to hang on. With all of my might fighting against circumstances that I have no control over.  I guess it is human nature to strive to survive in the spirit as much as the physical.  I know that it is me that is causing my suffering.  If I could just let go and put my trust in God I know things will turn out for the best or at least what is best for me even if I don't agree with the outcome.
I am reading a book called Spiritual Surrender.  Thanks to the beautiful ladies at Resurrection Life Fellowship who has used their talents to organize a church library. It has me thinking about my current circumstances and how much I really don't trust or rely on God.  I know I am writing some serious things, but God knows my thoughts, it doesn't matter whether I admit my doubts or continue to deny them.  Surrendering myself to a loving God takes trust.  Takes free falling into His arms knowing that He will not let me fall.  After reading a chapter and reflecting on my life and my personal walk I realized, my circumstances are equivalent to a bull ride.  I can hang on with all my might, through the turmoil, pain and even risk injury to myself and people around me or I  can let go. Choose to watch the show from the sidelines. Sit in Pa Pa's lap knowing he has my best interest in mind. Letting go is one of the hardest things for me to do.  As I watch these circumstances that I have absolutely no say in unfolds, surrendering to and trusting God is the answer to my survival. The raging bull in my situation may be untameable by me, it may be scary to watch play out, but I MUST find a way to trust in my Father and not continue to jump into the arena and try to fix it myself.  I know the answer seems simple. Trusting God equals peace. Why is it so hard for me to put into practice.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Keep Trying...

A nights rest helped me to feel better today.  I hate it when I doubt God. A Christian for almost 19 years and I am still struggling.  I had a dream last week that a church member asked me if I was really saved.  Sometimes I have to wonder that myself.  But I know the truth is I am...even though I don't embrace the love he has for me or hold the passion for Him that others do.  I am still learning, believing and working towards understanding the Father- daughter dynamic. How my son has so much faith being raised by me is a wonder.  We text last night and his second semester at Elim seems impossible, but he is a man of faith and he believes God is going to come through for him.  I am trying to believe that however it works out, it is all in God's plan and God is good.  Maybe He is using this to build my faith?  Maybe it is just life?  Whatever it is I just want what is best for my son's life.

Yesterday is gone, yesterdays doubts and failures are over.  God's grace is beautiful, he renews my strength and give me a do over every day.  Chin up Sheron, make today matter. 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Yes, No, I Don't Know. Can You Repeat the Question?

Amanda Roberts, Kelsey Gallagher, Destiny Joy Kreider, A.j. Smith and Edward Abrams

I guess failure is an option.  I was trained growing up to be a pessimist, although I don't believe it was intentional.  As I grow older I am still a pessimist, but I have a enthusiastic hope that everything will work out for the best.
My Christian beliefs tell me that I should count everything good and trust God has it all under control.  But my brain keeps looking at things from the less attractive side that tells me I have wasted my life. Wiping babies bottoms and taking pride in my home and children and being the wife of a man I love instead of pursuing a career.  Right now I feel like a major failure.  I have pretty much quit everything I have tried.  High school was horrible so I quit, phlebotomy turned out to be a health hazard so I quit, Customer service was too stressful so I quit. My weekend job was to hard on my husband and older sons, so again I quit. I have little higher education and even though most places would pay me more than minimum wage, I cannot leave my youngest child to go to work.  Doug working a 60 hour week prevents an evening or a morning job without paying childcare.  I am 45 years old, even if I manage to take some online classes I will not be starting a career until I am close to fifty.  AJ has not found a job and Doug and I don't have two nickels to rub together.  I have no idea how he is going to go back to college second semester.  It breaks my heart to have to tell him I cannot help and he may have to give up this pursuit. If I just would have had more gumption in my life I might would have a successful career now, helping my kids and not watching my husband go daily to a job her really doesn't like. I guess one solution would be is to look into some loans.  Elim not being accredited I don't know if he will be eligible for a traditional loan. I love being a housewife and mother, but I don't love watching my husband spend every penny he makes to support us and not have a penny to bring to the table. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

First Day of November

He fell asleep less than a mile from home

Another month has flown by.  It was hard to believe that it was Fall already, now Halloween has past and we are entering the Holiday season.  Jesse had a ball Trick or Treating.  He is almost three so he really knew what it was about and quickly caught on to the door to door begging.  He had "trick or treat" and "thank you" to an art.  Everyone thought my little Robin (Boy Wonder) was adorable and well as polite.
Wyatt stayed home. He had a bad sore throat and fever.  If I knew in advance Jesse was going to get sick I would have kept him home.  We were up twice in the middle of the night taking breathing treatments.  It was a blessing to have the nebulizer, if it were not for that we would have been in the ER.  He is doing better today, playing with his older brother and making his usual demands on me.  Wyatt is feeling well enough to aggravate him and making my afternoon less than pleasant.
Jesse and I are entering a new phase in his life...he has not quite outgrown the need for a nap, but if he takes one I have a difficulty getting him to sleep at night.  I take it day by day and if he is too miserable he gets a nap. 
Ready or not here comes winter....I hope I handle it better than in the last few years.  Battling depression can be enough of a challenge without months of cold and snow.