Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Appearnces

Brazilian Chocolate cake with cherry filling and dark chocolate glaze. Handmade Gum Paste flowers and leaves.

To look at this cake no one would even guess the amount of hours I have invested in creating it.  One of my dearest friends is from Brazil.  In Brazil they don't use the mounds of frosting that we do here in America. For her birthday cake I found a Brazilian Chocolate Cake recipe that accompanied a glaze instead of frosting. 
As anyone who has ever baked a cake from scratch knows, you must be precise in the measurements.  Failure can happen with the slighted diversion.  Fortunately I did it right the first time.  The cake took an hour to bake, the glaze took over an hour to cool and the hand made gum paste flowers, well let's just say it took a lot of time and patience  I'm stepping back, looking at this decadent chocolate cake thinking "what could I have done differently?  How could I have made the flowers mesh together better?  I should have made budding roses and daisies as well as the full blossom and  I want to learn to make baby's breath for a filler....but all in all not bad for a first try.
I guess the the proof of success of failure will be proven on the fork.  Just like people, the cake can look pretty from the outside, but what is inside is what really matters.  The Bible says we are the salt of the earth, but useless if we lose our flavor.  I feel these are questions we should all ask ourselves daily.  If someone took a look inside of me, does my heart match what is seen on the surface? Does my life have flavor or is it just covered up in pretty decorations?  We all have our days, but I truly hope I have more days where I am attractive on the inside and that shows on the outside.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Final cake Gum paste and fondant

Productive Busy



I am beginning to feel better again.  It happens to be the week of the month that every hormone in my body wants to go haywire.  I felt some stress, has been a busy day.  Just getting my stuff ready for cake class is a job in itself and I managed to clean, shower, get supper in the crock pot, feed Jesse, get him down for his nap and go for my eye exam.  I have had contacts for a week.  The fit seems fine but I had some difficulty with my site.  So we are going to try mono vision.  They seemed fine in the office until I had to take them out for my eye exam.  I'll put them in tomorrow after letting my eyes recover from dilation. Keeping my fingers crossed that they will right.
This is the last night of cake class. I am really happy I took them, but relieved it is over..  It has only been eight weeks, but all the preparations, getting the kids to Irene's house, 40 minute drive and expense...well let just leave it as I am relieved.  If I take anymore I will do it after the first of the year or even summer.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Three and a Half Men ( - one)



I am overwhelmed by the love I have for the men in my life.  I am thankful to have Wyatt and Jesse home with me and know if all things remain equal, Wyatt will be here at least four more years and Jesse well a really long time.  I am missing AJ terribly tonight.  I looked at some pictures of my grown son on Facebook and feel such pride and happiness for his life and future...but heart sick at the same time.  I am missing him terribly.
Doug,Wyatt, Jesse and me decorated Halloween cookies last night.  It was a fun family time for us. I have pictures on my facebook album Fabulous Fall.
I boxed up a dozen Halloween and a dozen Toll House as well as a couple of his favorite DVDs and a card to mail him for a special treat.  There is very little time that he is not on my mind.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Anxiety is raging through me today.  I feel unsteady and exhausted....I am trying to concentrate on what I know rather than what I feel.  I know I am loved and blessed  beyond measure...

Friday, October 21, 2011

Hard to believe we are winding down the last few months of October.  This fall is disappearing at a pace I have trouble believing.  My oldest boy is away at school.  Everyday it gets a little easier, feels a little more natural, but I still miss him. 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Round and Round



Once again I feel myself slipping away into an abyss of loneliness and depression.  I have to wonder if some of it has to do with the weather change.  It has gone to beautiful late summer to cold and rainy.  Just a taste of what these next few months will be like.  Snow is coming there is no denying that harsh truth.  Back to early morning snow removing and nights starting at 6 pm.
I have my kids.  Wyatt and Jesse.  They are a lot of company, but they don't fill this void I have in my heart. 
Another day of more to do than I have time to do it.  Another day of not measuring up.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Progression (revisited)

Graduated Basic Cake Decorating Classes and have Gum Paste & Fondant Classes under my belt. Here are my cakes from first to last.  I have to laugh at myself when I look back on my first cakes...

 

First decorated cake for church Baptism

 
Class cake from Basic Cake Decorating Class

 

Third cake. Thomas the Tank for my friend Pri's son Zion

 

Forth cake for my friend Irene's daughter Sarah

 

Fifth cake for my friend Keri's father

 

Cake number six. My class project cake

 

"Graduation Day" from Basic Cake Decorating Class

 

Cake 7 for my very close friend Paula

 

Eighth cake "Totally Spies! In Paris" birthday cake for my friend Heather's Daughter Hailey

 
Project from class one of Gum paste and Fondant

 
Just for fun I made a fondant daisy

 
Second Project from Gum Paste and Fondant class. Rose, carnation and lily

Just for fun- Sleepy Hollow cake


Wishing Well Cake for my friend Heather 

Project cake from Gum paste and Fondant class

Pri's birthday cake. This one is a little different. Brazilian Chocolate cake with cherry and semisweet filling, semisweet glaze and gumpaste flowers

My son Wyatt's cup cakes for his costume party

Ghost cake for my parent in law -design found on MyCakeClass blog


Ghosts



Overcoming past hurts is a work in progress.  Finally 5 steps forward and one back rather than the normal two and one.  I have worked hard on myself and have depended on God like never before to put things behind me and push forward.  Wanting to be a great wife, loving mother and faithful friend.  Recently I have had my doubts towards my faith, but enough belief in the unseen to never abandon what my heart knows to be truth.
People and things from the recent past has been invading my dreams.  As I am trying to find balance in this whirl wind of emotions I find myself wondering why?  Why now? What is the hold? What am I doing wrong to cause this conflict in my mind, spirit and emotions?  How do I refocus and regain lost ground?
I'm going to try and not ponder on it too much.  I know enough to know that the mind can be tricky and if not guarded can become a playground for the enemy to attack and harm.  I feel lost and conflicted today.  Hanging on to what I know is the truth and fighting like crazy to not buy into the emotional side of my thoughts and feelings.  As I type the thought comes to mind.  I must be of value, why else would this attempt to distract me from the truth and destroy my from within be so high on the agenda of the enemy? I do know I am of value to my Father, my family and others who love me.  I know it is all worth the fight.  In the end victory in Christ is the only thing if true value.  I know what I need to do and I have to find a way to do it. To pick myself up and continue in the fight.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules


Me with my girl Pri her son Zion and my baby boy Jesse.


This song was featured on Grey's Anatomy ...yeah it could be my song...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

~Brandi Carlile

Saturday, October 8, 2011

7 years already?


The Eiffel Tower and magnifying glass made the cake!
Totally Spies! In Paris was the party theme.  My friend Heather Bernet is brilliant and came up with the theme, decorations as well as fun games that kept the kids entertained. 
Unfortunately I was ill and had to leave the party before the gifts and the cutting of the cake.
Hailey's party was a success and she was surrounded by people she adores when she made her birthday wish on a beautiful autumn day.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Hailey's cake

Hailey's cake. The Eiffel tower will be on top. as usual not exactly what I planned....but hopefully she will like it.
If I create something similar it will have a double layer on the bottom.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Potty, Puberty and Parting


Last Fall at Beak N Skiff
The last week has been incredible.  I am busy, almost too busy.  But I thrive in business.  I tend to let myself go and sometimes walk into mischief when I get bored.  Last weekend AJ was home from Elim.  It is a horribly long drive with a little boy strapped in a car seat.  I do what I can to help him stay occupied and satisfied, but Jesse had a really bad meltdown on the way home. 
Being a short visit I didn't get enough time in with my eldest.  I didn't know he had planned to come home 2 weekends in a row. I had already accepted and invitation  to meet with one of my closest friends, Paula for her birthday. 
I cried like a baby when he left Sunday afternoon and had mini meltdowns throughout the night.  I knew parting with my son would be difficult, but I really didn't expect it to feel quite like this.  My husband and I raised a good boy and he has grown into an excellent young man.  Although it really hurts to see him go, it is a blessing to know he is pursing his dreams and his dreams are God's call on his life.  He will be home again for a long weekend on Friday. 
I have been very sick the last couple days.  My 13 year old son, Wyatt has done what he could to help out.  Getting me Advil and Sudafed ever 4 hours or so and helping out with Jesse.  He is a good and generous young man.  Much like his older brother in  the kindness category, but Wyatt is definitely his own person.  He is funny and witty as his father and can be the life of the party when he is comfortable.  He is a bit shy at church, never wanting to go up for prayer or do anything to bring attention to himself.  I know the Lord has his hand on my "middle" child. He loves younger children and has compassion beyond measure. He drives me crazy leaving his clothes wherever he takes them off, wet towels in the floor and  dishes in the living room.  Then he surprises me with little things like taking time to fill the sugar bowl and starting the morning coffee.  He'll even change a messy diaper without complaint if I am not home to do it.  He adores both older and younger brothers. 

Jesse summer 2011
Jesse. What can be said about Jesse? My unexpected, midlife blessing strait from heaven.  He gives me almost as many headaches as he does joy.  He is 2 years and nine months old, I think a little tall for his age and incredibly handsome.  He takes after his dad's side of the family far more than the other boys, but I can see some of my blood in him too.  He is my constant companion and he adores me.  We started potty training  last Thursday and he is doing excellent.  Pleasantly surprising me as we go along.  He, at times, just goes by himself and demands I come to see his achievement and give him his sticker for his progress chart.  He is loving and stubborn, just like his older brother Wyatt he is a massive sugar freak and it is sometimes hard to get him to eat anything with nutritional value.  Being 45 with a young child is not where I saw myself when I planned for my future.  After the breast cancer diagnosis I wasn't even sure I would be 45.  My forty-sixth birthday is coming into view and I am cancer free and abundantly blessed.


I have a full and beautiful life.  I have a husband that I have loved since I was 18 and still hopelessly in love with. Three amazing children. I am close to my siblings even 1000 miles apart. I have an incredible church family, Pastors that are passionate about Christ, has integrity beyond words and loving toward their flock.  My three closest friends Irene, Paula and Keri keep me sane and entertained.  I have done nothing to deserve God's compassion and grace.  If anything I have made choices that should have had me punished, not blessed.  It is a great thing I did not receive what I deserved or my life would have been tragic.  I cannot imagine my life without Doug or our children I am so grateful for them.